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Strategy 5: Attacking Your Confidence As A Mother (Don't Let The Devil Steal Your Motherhood)8/13/2019 If I was your enemy I would constantly remind you of your past mistakes and poor choices as a mother. I'd want to keep you burdened with shame and guilt, in hopes that you'll feel incapacitated by your many failings and struggle to keep your passion, focus, identity and even your family on a Christlike path ~ I was watching Mama Mia last night and the song came on where the lead is singing about wanting time to slow down with her daughter. The lyrics are so vivid about the time that has past that I cried. The lyrics are how I am already feeling with my daughter. Now, I love my boys but there is a special bond between Briseis and me. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact I had not wanted a daughter, especially as my first child. But God has a sense of humor and to this day, the feeling I got when the doctors set her on my chest and her big blues eyes looked up at me, has never been repeated. Anyway, as I lay crying after the song I tried to sleep but a flood of my failures as a mom to her came washing over me. I have to be careful when this happens because if I can't stop it, it will overflow to the boys and Lance and before I know it I just want all of us in one bed together where I be close to them. LOL! But I did stop it before I got to that point, but it was too late for the attack on my failing of Briseis. Needless to say I couldn't sleep until I snuggled up next to her and prayed for the memories of past failures to be veiled. The devil is crafty like this. He loves to make our hearts ache with regret and to force us to relive failures like on a movie reel. But here is the thing; he really holds no power over this, he just wants you to think he does. So lets look at how he does this to our worn and weary souls. ![]() The first way he will attack you, is through your past. Whether it was something small, like punishing one of your children when they actually had done nothing wrong; to something big, like snapping at them to the point they cried just because they accidentally spilled their drink. The devil IS going to use this against us at every turn. He will use it to poke holes in our future with our children. He will make it a rerun in our minds that is nothing short of a horror film. He will convince us that our mistakes with our children are worse then everybody else. The second way is, judgement of other mothers. Watch out for this trap!!! If the devil can't rattle our confidence, can't make us feel judged, he WILL try turning us into judges of other mother's mistakes (now a days we call this the comparison game). He is very good with this one. I have caught myself doing it multiple times, even when I know better, "Oh she has no idea... If she doesn't nip that now then ... I'm glad I was able to stop doing that unlike her..." It is wrong, always stay humble, and offer help. The last way is what I like to call, The Merry-Go-Round Effect. This is another tactic he is great at luring us into. We see a mom that has something together we don't, we lose years off our life trying to get to their point, and when it happens we then see another mom ahead on something else and the cycle starts right back over again. He wants us to waste so much of our valuable time with our kids trying to get them caught up to the kid down the street. Sadly he wins at this a lot. He puts a veil over our eyes to the areas our children are excelling at, draining us of our joy of where they are in THEIR lives by having us obsess with someone else's child. The past is the past. It doesn't have permission to touch us anymore. We are confident in who we are as mothers and what our goal is! We have tools to help us, we have our passion as mothers, our focus as mothers, our identities as mothers, and because God's wisdom we have our families to hold us accountable to falling into these "pity parties" ~ So what are OUR ways to fight back against the devil's assaults in this area? In a nutshell is boils down to being CONFIDENT in who we are as mothers! Our past mistakes may have left a scar but we know how to use that to STRENGTHEN our confidence. You, mother, can do this by breaking it down into 3 steps. Step 1: Pray, pray, pray At this point it is pretty obvious in all things we need to talk (because that is all prayer is, simply talking to our Father) to our Lord. Yes, He knows what we are thinking already, but he LOVES to hear us say it non the less. Give thanks to our Father who lives outside of time and because of that sees the past as obsolete. Ask for forgiveness when we do make mistakes. And then mediate on what you were able to gain in wisdom out of the failure. Isaiah 64:8 - But now, Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We are the work of your hands. Step 2: Learn from the failure We may be grown adults, but we are still learning how to do this parenting gig every day. It will never stop so we need to be prepared to remain teachable pupils. Be eager to learn so we may pass down that knowledge to our children and they to their children and so on. Ephesians 1:7-9 - Through the blood of his Son, we are set free from our sins. God forgives our failures because of his overflowing kindness. He poured out his kindness by giving us every kind of wisdom and insight when he revealed the mystery of his plan to us. He decided to do this through Christ. Step 3: Share your revealed wisdom In the movie "War Room" there is a point when the young mother realizes that her mentor prayed for God to send her someone she could pass down her knowledge and wisdom to. To keep that person from "stepping on the same land mines" she had. Our confidence as mothers needs to be so great that for EVERY FAIL we make we can hold our heads high because that becomes a teachable moment to other mothers (and our own children). They need to know we are CONFIDENT in our failures because of the grace and love God has for us! "So talk it up, devil. Because as high as you choose to ratchet it up, you're only showing off ' the breadth and length and height and depth' (Eph. 3:18) of the love of Christ extended toward me!" ~Fervent Do you see??!! For every attack we lose against the devil, every single one, it only further proves HOW MUCH WE ARE LOVED BY GOD AND HOW CONFIDENT GOD IS THAT WE ARE THE MOTHERS FOR OUR CHILDREN, NO ONE ELSE WOULD FIT THE PART. How awesome is that? It is like the coolest episode of Law and Order because the two lawyers are Jesus and Satan and they are both fighting for our souls, but no matter what the tongue of the serpent utters, it only makes him further lose his case. Have confidence in that if nothing else! Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 - Thus says the Lord...Do not call to mind the FORMER things, or ponder things of the PAST. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert. ***Our past mistakes as mothers do not define us as mothers, instead they are like the wrinkles on an old lady. Proof of a life well lived and good lessons learned along the way. She walks with confidence down the street, proud to share her life story to a willing ear.*** Hebrews 10:35-36 - So don't lose your confidence. It will bring you a great reward. You need endurance so that after you have done what God wants you to do, you can receive what he has promised ~
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Yesterday we started our first day of homeschooling for this year. I always have the kids wear the same shirt (and one day it will actually fit them!) and they hold up a piece of paper that states their name, year of school, favorite color and what they want to be when they grow up. We my oldest son put that he wants to be a knight when he grows up because his God-sister is a princess (yes, that is exactly the reason he gave me and I didn't even ask why he chose it. LOL). It made me start to consider the whole "knight in shining armor" fantasy children tend to have when they are young. So precious. Fast forward to the time you were dating boys and I'm sure all of you have heard your dad say it at least once to a boyfriend. Tell me if this sounds familiar, "Don't you break her heart" or "Don't you hurt her" or some other comment meant to protect coming from your dad's mouth. See, I can relate a little to my dad because I don't want my daughter or my sons getting hurt by anyone let alone a boyfriend or girlfriend. No, honestly if I knew how and when they would get hurt it would be hard for me to not be waiting in the perfect spot to ambush the one who hurt them. So I know my dad only had my best interest at heart and I know he loved me so much he wanted to try and control something he never could have controlled...my husband's actions. See I love my dad. I was and still am a daddy's girl. For my wedding he wrote me this beautiful short story-poem titled "In The Land Of A Father's Heart". I cried when we danced at my wedding because he was relinquishing his power of protection to my husband. And for a girl that loves her daddy, that was a hard thing to accept. Here is the thing though. My dad was telling my "man" not to hurt me when in fact growing up that is all I saw my mom and dad do to each other. I didn't understand it then, but as a wife and mother now, I understand all to well. My dad was telling my husband not to do something that he himself was doing. He wasn't meaning to be hypocritical by any means. All he saw was a daughter that he loved and didn't want to get hurt, not realizing he was forgetting about his very own wife. When our fathers give our men a command such as "Don't you hurt her", they are giving them an impossible challenge. That impossible challenge puts immense pressure on them from that point on. It's not that they are meaning to do so, they are just looking out for their baby girls. But the fact remains, our men will hurt us. The bible is very clear that every single person we love will let us down at one point or another. If that wasn't the case then we could find someone other than Christ to lean on. Your friends, your family, your husband and yes, even your children will at some point let you down. At some point they will hurt you, either intentionally or unintentionally. When our fathers say to our men they better not hurt us they are in turn setting our men up for failure, because it is an impossible goal. You may be asking me right about now, "But Christen, what harm does that do to me? I want my man to know my dad expects him to take care of me?" and I do see that point. But here is the catch...it ends up hurting us in the long run. When my dad told my husband this, long before he was my husband, it put a false sense of love on the relationship. By my dad saying this I took it as a sign that if my husband never hurt me then he was my "true love". That in lies the problem. They first time my husband couldn't stand up to this goal I felt depressed. I was so sure he was the one I wanted to spend my life with, but now he had hurt me, my knight in shining armor had failed me. This happened throughout our dating. Little things, nothing major, little fights about things I can't even remember now. It is only by God's grace and intervening that I stayed with him instead of ending it and continuing my search for a man that could stand up to my dad's high standards. Then my husband made a terrible mistake, a mistake that hurt worse then anything he had done or has ever done since. But God works all things for His glory. So I give Him all the glory that despite my husband's mistake I stayed by his side and let God make our marriage stronger then ever before. As mothers raising children we have to be very careful how we handle getting hurt. My dad set unrealistic expectations on my husband (and previous boyfriends), expectations that he himself couldn't keep to my mom. Our children are watching us. They need to know there is no such thing as a "knight in shining armor". That fictional character is not real life, there is no riding off into the sunset. Marriage is HARD because it is like anything good and sacred and the devil has his eyes set on making hurts the cause of ending something sacred. Our daughters need to know what to look for in their husbands; men chasing Jesus, who are going to make mistakes and hurt us, but that will keep fighting for them until the end. Our sons need to know to seek Jesus and His heart, that no one is perfect and we all mess up and hurt people, but to never stop fighting for their wives. As a mother I want my daughter to still have her innocence, she is only 7 after all. So she is not ready to hear that her future husband will mess up and hurt her even if he doesn't mean to. But there will come a time soon when I will have to start telling her to look past the facade of "her knight" and see the man God has for her, with the knowledge that getting hurt it something we experience from every single person we love, but to press on and fight for the relationship. For my sons, who again are too young to need to know these things, but someday they wont be; I will tell them what to look for in their "princess". To look for women who can forgive when they accidentally don't tell them how beautiful they look, or if they have a fight and things are said they wish they had held their tongues on. Lastly, we need to communicate this to our husbands. Remind them of the pressure they were under and the feeling of disappointment they had when they couldn't live up to a certain expectation. And us? Mothers, we need to be able to forgive our husbands when they fall short of making the mark. Heck, if we are being honest, we have done the same to them. Said hurtful things, made remarks we wish we could take back. It is human nature, intended to assure we would only lean on one person throughout life in 100% security, and his name is Jesus Christ. Because in the end we all want our children to have a better marriage then we have, and the only way to help that happen is to love, serve, and forgive. Because ultimately that is what our children are watching. They are watching how we love each other, how we serve each other and how we forgive each other. Colossians 3:12-14 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony ~ Hello fellow mommy readers. I decided this week to take a break on the series "Don't Let The Devil Steal Your Motherhood". I have had something weighing on me for a little over two weeks now and had validation to write about it from more than one spot. So, without further delay lets get started on this week's topic. I was at the water park a couple of weeks ago, sitting in the water just people watching while I waited for my kiddos to come down the slide. As I watched I started to notice something. There were women there that were thin and not thin, old and young, healthy and unhealthy, different colors, different races. You name it, it was a collection of everything. Not all of them were mothers either. There were younger teens there and it also wasn't only women. There were men there too, all with the same diversity as listed above. As I sat and watched I started to notice something. Not one person was sexy... not even one. I started to ponder this reason. Over the past years of being a mom and diving deeper into faith I will admit that my TV consumption certainly has changed. If I am being honest the shows I typically watched (Lost Girl) were not Christlike even a little (back before I leaned in closer to my Savior). I am more of a Heartland or at the very least clean comedy type of person now. Heck the anxiety alone of watching shows I used to enjoy would be too much for me to bear. But maybe that was why I couldn't find sexy that day. Maybe society wasn't able to control my perspective any longer through vulgar shows and commercials. Who knows. But here is the thing. Not one person in this water park did I find unattractive. Now hear me out before you might try to pass judgement, wait and see where I am going with this. All these people were very attractive but it had nothing to do with a sexy body, it had to do with who they were being at this water park. Every single person at this park was engulfed in doing what God had intended for them to do. They were all in a state of fellowship with someone. The teens were all playing tag with each other or racing down the slides. The dads were chasing little ones around or helping them navigate the fun. And the moms? The moms were so beautiful to me. I tried so hard to find the fittest, skinniest, prettiest mom I could find so I could say "Now that is a sexy mom. I want to be like that.", but I couldn't because every time I looked what I saw was a beautiful mother with a nurturing look on her. See, their outward appearances were beautiful because they were doing what God had intended them to do. Nurturing their children. It made me start to think, who in the heck came up with "sexy"? So I did some research on the word sexy. The first notation of it that I could find was in 1923 in reference to Valentino. Who else finds it funny that the earliest record of the word sexy was in the 20th century?Next, lets look at the definition of sexy. The Webster dictionary states it means sexually attractive or exciting. The synonyms? Seductive, desirable, alluring, inviting, sensual, sultry, slinky, provocative, tempting, tantalizing, and the list goes on. So what about beautiful? Pleasing the senses or mind in a way that gives pleasure. These people, these mothers were all beautiful to me. I could look at each one and see the compassion and love they had. I could see the teenagers' faces full of joy and excitement. The fathers had looks of pride and admiration. Beauty was abound at this place. I am realizing as I grow as a mother and a Christian that I am seeking things that are beautiful not sexy. I am seeking the real and the true. Mothers, we are beautiful. When we are focused on our calling we are pleasing to the senses to everyone we pass. We are the light of Christ and the world around us is seeing that and it is drawing them closer. Closer to wanting what we have emanating from us, a joy that is super natural to this world. So the next time you look in the mirror, smile at that beautiful face staring back at you. Because she has a super power surging through her body, a power so strong it can change people; and one day soon she is going to send forth her little ones into the world with that same beauty. So forget about sexy and embrace beautiful! As a personal testimony, allow me to show you these three pictures. The one on the right is from January 2017, middle January 2018 and left is January 2019. From 2017 to 2019 I gained 50 pounds. But I look at these pictures and I truly believe I look beautiful in all of them. Yes, I have plenty where I am like "Holy crap that is going to break the glass!" but in those ones I am usually on my time of the month, no make-up and grouchy. But when I am not bloated and in pain, showered and put together, and finding joy in my calling as a mother, I am beautiful. So tonight I am asking you mommies to start seeing yourselves as I see you. I see you all as beautiful women because of your love and sacrifices. I see you as beautiful because you know the value and the responsibility of the task you have been trusted to see through. I see you as beautiful because you know the truth about this world and you have chosen to rise above and I admire you all for that! 1 Peter 3:3-4 Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious ~ IF I WAS YOUR ENEMY, I'S SEEK TO DISINTEGRATE YOUR FAMILY AND DESTROY EVERY MEMBER OF IT. I'D WANT TO TEAR AWAY AT YOUR TRUST AND UNITY AND TURN EVEYONE'S LOVE INWARD ON THEMSELVES. I WOULD MAKE SURE YOUR FAMILY DIDN'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE IT'S SUPPOSE TO. BECAUSE THEN PEOPLE WOULD LOOK AT YOUR CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, YOUR CHRISTIAN CHILDREN, AND SEE YOU'RE NO DIFFERENT, NO STRONGER THAN ANYBODY ELSE - THAT GOD, UNDERNEATH IT ALL, REALLY DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.~ Fervent ![]() It is a scary kind of knowledge, knowing there is someone out there trying to do this to you and your family momma. What is even scarier is knowing that this enemy never rests, never eats, never sleeps; he is unrelenting in his cause to destroy everything you have work so hard to create. The devil almost got away with this when we first moved into our new home. Things were BAD! Lance and I were constantly fighting and it was getting worse every time it happened. The kids were becoming timid and walking on egg shells. Our family was being broken down and was on the verge of destruction. Had it not been a friend of mine and her love for me and my family I don't think we would have made it. She gave me a book titled, Created To Be His Help Meet. It was a hard read but I discovered what the devil was doing and how to fight back and it saved us. Don't get me wrong. It still takes a conscious effort to keep the devil out of our home. But just like anything good that was designed by God, it is a constant battle to win against the attacks of the devil. Even as recently as this very minute the devil tried to weasel his way back into our home. But as these attacks come and I win with Lance by my side, we become wiser to when the devil is trying to advance and can be quicker to lean on God. So, where is the devil attacking your husband and you (if married)? Where is the devil attacking your child(ren) and you?Where is the devil attacking your extended family and you? Do you think your relationship with your husband and extended family has any hidden attacks towards your children and you in it? We need to fortify the lives of those we love. There are no "buts" to this. Because there may be family (husband, extended family) that you don't love but that your children DO and unless it is an emotional or physically abusive relationship you are required to forgive. Strengthen the family, the more cords that intertwine with Christ in the middle, the stronger that family will be against attacks, against hardships. You will have a generation of VICTORY warriors! Since we know the devil is behind the attacks, stop fighting those people and bring the fight to the real enemy. There will always be disagreements, but the devil is the one that needs the power the Holy Spirit has given us, fired into the places where he is slithering about, not your family members. Step 1: Fight FOR Your Husband Instead Of Against HimGulp! We must learn to be respectful and submissive to our husbands for OUR CHILDREN'S SAKES. This is a hard role to play since as mothers we tend to act like lionesses when anything involves our children, running the house and yes even the finances. We must do this because are children are watching how we act towards our husbands. They are learning how to give love (if you have daughters) and how to receive love (if you have sons). We must think in the long picture. Would we like it if our daughters treated the little boy down the street as we sometimes do their own father? Would we like our sons taking a beating from the bully down the street that happens to be a girl since they see their own father beaten down constantly? In our hearts we know that answer very well. Fighting alongside our husbands FOR our marriages consists of the following: I. (In case you haven't guessed it) Prayer: We must pray for our husbands! Pray and give thanks for them. Pray and ask to be forgiven for the wrongs you have caused him. THEN, we pray God changes our husbands' hearts to seek God relentlessly. We pray for the areas that are under attack. Because with God on our side WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS! II. We PRAISE the good: All the time mommies. If we constantly are praising the good aspects of our husbands then our children's love for their father AND for us will grow because the Christ like seeds of who our husbands are will pass to our children TENFOLD! Leave the negative things to God's doing because ONLY HE can fix what is broken. Proverbs 16:23-24 - A wise person's heart controls his speech, and what he says helps others learn. Pleasant words are like honey from a honeycomb - sweet to the spirit and healthy for the body Ephesians 4:29 - Don't say ANYTHING that would hurt another person. Instead, speak only what is good so that you can give help WHEREVER it is needed. That way, what you say will help those who hear you Step 2: Fight FOR Your Children Instead Of Against ThemSatan is after our children! We must not allow him to run roughshod over our children. We must fight for them and with them. Satan knows the parts of their characters - both their strengths and weaknesses - where he can worm in and try stunting their growth, their potential, and their confidence. Watch for these strengths and weaknesses. Know when and how to nurture the strengths and how to fight against their weaknesses. Fighting alongside our child(ren) FOR our relationship consists of the following: I. Prayer: We need to pray FERVENTLY for our children. Their very souls are at stake. They are already being schemed against and attacks may already be happening. We need to take action now. We need to pray God amplifies their strengths and defends these attacks. II. Pray with them: We need to start teaching them now how big OUR GOD is, because let me tell you, the devil is not going to wait a second longer to make his attacks look like he is the biggest thing out there. If they have nightmares, if they fear something, anything negative is mentioned we can not AFFORD to blow it off and tell them it's nothing. Pray with them, let them know our Savor died because He loved them that much, so of course He can and WILL take the fear away and replace it with peace and comfort. III. Bonding: This is probably going to the be the hardest area since some of us have jobs, others have more than one child. But doing things with our children, being involved COUNTS FOR EVERYTHING! Even if it is as simple as a walk to the park or a movie, or go big with date nights, go small with reading a book to them before bed. And be consistent with it! I say this for our own good, because if we do this our children will literally crave it and want it to continue. They are being attacked so show them God and you are not afraid to fight back and keep WHAT IS YOURS! Our children are "like arrows in the hand of a warrior (yes, we are those warriors), we raise them up to shoot them out into the culture, bearing the image of Christ to the world (Psalm 127:4) Isaiah 8:18 - Behold, I and the children whom the LORD has given me are for signs and wonders in Israel from the Lord of hosts 3 John 1:4 - I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth Step 3: Fight FOR Your Extended Family Not Against ThemWe must realize the real enemy at work here. As I am writing the devil is pissed and is even making my computer glitch. LOL. Tough! Our extended family whether non believers or not, may be feeling attacked themselves by the devil; or even intentionally or unintentionally participating with the enemy's design against us. It does not excuse us from the seeds we may be planting in our children by our words and actions on these members. So what to do? Fighting alongside our extended family FOR our relationship consist of the following: (But before I begin this part we need to know that this area is the 'highlight" attacking spot. He can do more damage with less effort by attacking us here, within these relationships than in any other area) I. Prayer: I can see it on some of your faces now, do what?! But our extended family allows the devil so many avenues of attack. I know this from personal experience. If we fight with one person it can lead to fighting with our husbands and/or children. We must pray for them in the same manor we do our husbands and children. The areas under attack, the parts that are broken, we must ask God to heal and repair. II. Forgive: I see it again, "Christen you are not serious? If you only knew what I go through!" Hey, don't get mad at the messenger, lol. God calls us to forgive, not forget, not pick up where we left off, not act as though everything is fine and dandy (because it isn't but that's okay you are praying God heals those areas and you have faith He will answer you). We do it … and listen very closely to this … we do it so WE can move on, so we don't hurt, so we don’t have the anger and anxiety anymore. Okay, well how do we forgive someone that has us so furious and so anxious and so … lets face it PISSED OFF???? Read on and you will see. III. Move forward: Last we need to move forward. We need to be cordial to these family members for the sake of our children. They may adore the person you can't stand. We are doing them an injustice by putting them in the middle of our issues. They will have plenty of issues of their own, with their own spouses, their own children, their own extended family, their own relationships… but that one is for a later discussion. Don't allow your troubles and hurts to be shared with your children. Colossians 4:6 - Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. The enemy who's intent on disrupting the peace in our homes doesn't flinch when we try to force our own fixes upon it, but HE DOES start worrying when A WIFE, A DAUGHTER, A SISTER, A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW starts avoiding the noise at the periphery (remember we need to keep our identity, our focus, and our passion on our calling) and starts making some noise of her own, RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR TO THE DEVIL'S WORKSHOP! Get ready to go to war FOR your family! Romans 14:19 - Pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another ~ If I was your enemy, I'd DEVALUE your strength and MAGNIFY your insecurities until they This week I have been dealing a lot with identity. My friend and I were working on my official logo (gulp) and all the first ones she showed me were great except that I didn't quiet feel my identity in them. It took a lot of trial and error and back and forth at the drawing board for the logo that was to become my new identity to surface. But with love and a lot of hard work the logo that will be forever (God willing) be Halfway To Sunday Mom was formed. (A quick shout out to Greenlight Graphics for the awesome work!) Our identities as mothers work the same way. Most of us don't like feeling like we are labeled "moms" like there is nothing else to us. But the truth is we have many labels (mom, servant, lover, wife, nurse, teacher, cook, cleaner, helper, need I go on?) but as we have been discussing the past two weeks; we are mothers. So motherhood for the time being needs to be a focused identity of who we are. But the devil, using the world to corrupt us, is trying with all his might to make us lose our identity as mothers. With equal rights for the sexes, non sexual orientation, women can do anything men can do lies. Now that in no way means that we should not be able to work or have hobbies or travel and so on. But if we chose to have children our identity is motherhood not CEO of a large company that steals all our time away from our family. Hope that makes a lot of sense. Just because women can do what men can do doesn't mean we should be. If you are feeling like being a mother is something your doing on the side, what negative identities is the devil whispering in your ear (Your job is more important, you deserve to go out and party still, you aren't their slave)? What negative identities is the world yelling at you (their teachers are making sure they are doing well, kids need their independence, if you want them to be happy buy them things)? What negative identities are friends and family telling you (you shouldn't be handling them that way, let them find themselves, you are over disciplining them, you are under disciplining them)? Have you let everyone crack away at pieces of your identity until you can't even tell what direction you are suppose to be going anymore? So how do we fight back against this attack? We need God and us to stamp what our TRUE identities are repeatedly onto our hearts. Key word there being repeatedly. Fervent prayer keeps our identity in FOCUS! It reminds us of who we really are and taps into the power we really have in Christ to be the mothers we are called to be. ~ Fervent To accomplish this try following these 4 steps and remember this will take time and practice to turn it into habit. |
| As mothers we need to be PROUD of the identity that is motherhood. Not every women out there will get that identity even though she may cry herself asleep wishing that she could. We were given a gift (or in my case gifts) and we should be proud and thankful we were chosen for those gifts. So the next time someone tries to put a break in your identity, a crack in your love of motherhood you stop it by giving praise for the wonderful mini yous. You are training up the future parents of this world and that is something you need to be able to stand tall about. |
Isaiah 49: 16 - See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me ~
If I was your enemy, I'd disguise myself and manipulate your perspectives so that you'd focus on the wrong culprit - a clean house, phone calls, social media, other mothers, your friends, your failures; ANYTHING to pull your focus away from your call to motherhood ~
Today I had a chance to experience this first hand. And it was an epic fail in my focus as a mother! It didn't help that I was under the weather as well. I was trying to do the right thing on a facebook group and it was not received well. The comments that followed were so hostile and hurtful, all from me trying to protect the ones making the comments. For an instant I felt I understood what God goes through. He tries to guide people away from something bad and those people lash out at Him for doing so, such is our world I suppose.
Things like this happen to us mothers all the time. The devil wants to distract our focus and it worked. ALL DAY I was on social media, checking to see the comments (which only made me feel worse about it). Checking that made me check my other social media platforms. Partner that with me being sick and I neglected my children all day. I even asked Briseis to make lunch. I used the excuse that I was sick (which was only partial truth), the real reason was my focus was on the gossip being spread in the group and the dread I felt. I let this one event in my day ruin my focus of motherhood all day. It emotionally drained me. It is such a blessing that my children show me almost as much grace as God does right now! Praise Jesus for there love for me.
Things like this happen to us mothers all the time. The devil wants to distract our focus and it worked. ALL DAY I was on social media, checking to see the comments (which only made me feel worse about it). Checking that made me check my other social media platforms. Partner that with me being sick and I neglected my children all day. I even asked Briseis to make lunch. I used the excuse that I was sick (which was only partial truth), the real reason was my focus was on the gossip being spread in the group and the dread I felt. I let this one event in my day ruin my focus of motherhood all day. It emotionally drained me. It is such a blessing that my children show me almost as much grace as God does right now! Praise Jesus for there love for me.
So let me ask you mother, why do you think your focus may be off right now? What are some things that pull your focus away from your call to motherhood? Focus clears away dead space and clutter. It gives us our cutting edge. It is our antenna that keeps us trained on our calling to motherhood. Focus minimizes distractions. ~Fervent
Now that we know what focus is how do we fight the devil back on this attack? We raise that antenna high so we can keep from losing our passion. We do this in 3 steps.
Now that we know what focus is how do we fight the devil back on this attack? We raise that antenna high so we can keep from losing our passion. We do this in 3 steps.
Step 1: Prayer
When we pray we must pray specifically for our "static" to be blocked out so we can focus on where God is directing us as mothers. We must pray for the distractions to be shielded from us.
Psalm 37:23 - A person's steps are directed by the Lord, and the Lord delights in his way.
Psalm 37:23 - A person's steps are directed by the Lord, and the Lord delights in his way.
Step 2: Know the enemy
We need to know what our "focus hackers" are and weed them out. If we have to, write them down on the fridge as a reminder about what to watch out for. Put on the armor of God to do this.
Proverbs 21:21 - Whoever pursues righteousness and mercy will find life, righteousness, and honor.
Proverbs 21:21 - Whoever pursues righteousness and mercy will find life, righteousness, and honor.
Step 3: Watch out for the blindside
We love our children and we want to help lead them to a God first life by keeping our focus on what He wants. But even our own children can be a "focus hacker" at times. So be on guard. Our God is NOT a God of confusion or anxiety. So if you are feeling torn or confused or agitated about doing something with your children then pray and breathe. Stopping what you are doing to read a book can be the right focus but at the wrong moment (for example if you are knee deep in cleaning), then they might be pulling your focus. Pray about it, maybe God will guide you to have your child help you with the cleaning (even if that means it may take a little bit longer. LOL) or simply set a time for them (give mommy 10 more minutes then I will read to you). Keeping our focus on God's will for us is the key to maintaining our passion to motherhood and warding off the burnout the devil is seeking to inflict on our motherhood.
1 Corinthians 14:33 - For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.
Philippians 4: 4-7 - Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 Corinthians 14:33 - For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.
Philippians 4: 4-7 - Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
| Our focus needs to never waiver. But it will, we are humans after all, we live in a broken world. But with God at our back guiding us we can keep trying, keep getting stronger in our focus, recognizing the devil's hackers before they snare us. So keep the focus and if you fall off that horse (no matter how many times) get back up and try again. You got this! |
Micah 7:8 - Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light ~
About 3 years ago I did a study with my Halfway To Sunday moms titled "Don't Let The Devil Steal Your Motherhood". Using the book Fervent as a guide I took the 10 strategies the author gave and used them specifically on motherhood. It was a really good series and I have decided to share it with you. Starting this week I will go over each arrow the devil will throw at you to take away the joy of being a mother. But before I go into strategy 1 I am going to list them so you know what will come in the following weeks. This is a series you are not going to want to miss!
10 Strategies - The devil WILL come against your motherhood by:
1. Attacking your passion to be a mother
2. Attacking your focus on what being a mother is
3. Attacking your identity as a mother
4. Attacking your family's unity
5. Attacking your confidence to be a mother
6. Attacking your calling of motherhood
7. Attacking your purity of motherhood to certain parasites
8. Attacking your ability to feel like taking a break is okay
9. Attacking your heart
10. Attacking your relationship with your children
Strategy 1: Attacking your passion to be a mother
The above picture is a photo of my dad and I just last week. There is no doubt that now that we are older my parents are having a lot of fun with us! Going on vacations where they don't always have to pay for everyone, having dinners together where they aren't always the ones having to cook, celebrating their birthdays instead of trying not to be hurt if it was forgotten by us. Yes, my parents are in a, and I stress 'a', sweet spot in parenting (meaning there is more than one). But the reason they are in this spot (and there have been bumps along the road, we are NOT a normal family) is because of the way they raised us earlier on. It wasn't perfect, not even close, but a lot of it was pretty darn great! Because of this the relationships have stuck and continue to grow. So, let me ask you a couple of questions then. Do you remember the feelings you felt when your child(ren) were born? Do you still feel the passion to be a mother today? What is something that is stealing your passion of motherhood?
For me, I can still remember the feelings (especially of my daughter) when they were born. Briseis by far was the most...euphoric and I love returning to that memory. At this moment in writing, yes, I still have a passion to be a mother; but my passion tends to get stolen A LOT by the spiritual sugar I talked about last week. I tend to get sucked into the trap of doing good for others and then just giving my children my left overs. Not healthy.
For me, I can still remember the feelings (especially of my daughter) when they were born. Briseis by far was the most...euphoric and I love returning to that memory. At this moment in writing, yes, I still have a passion to be a mother; but my passion tends to get stolen A LOT by the spiritual sugar I talked about last week. I tend to get sucked into the trap of doing good for others and then just giving my children my left overs. Not healthy.
Passion is what burns up the road between a child in danger and a parent in pursuit. It glows red-hot. And goes on driving. And grows even larger, the larger the obstacles become.
~ Fervent
So how do we fight back? Take your stance against the devil! To take a stance against the devil we need a few things. First, diligent praying. We must pray for our passion to return, for God was the one to give it so He is the one to rekindle it and breathe life back into it. We must take up OUR armor and declare to the devil that God is in and he is most definitely out. This is our calling and no matter what he yells it does not change God's destiny for us. We are mothers until the END! Second, is constant grace. We realize it's non stop for God himself but are so reluctant to give grace to ourselves. We are going to make mistakes and that needs to be okay, as hard as it might be to believe, it really is. Lastly, we need outside help. We need to be able to have a day for us. God even commands it. He created rest knowing 24/7/365 parenting would leave us...dead. We must find those places, whether pampering ourselves, exercising, going on a weekend get away, finding a small group or a hobby; whatever it is that lets us unwind and refuel. We need friends that are "no" friends, who can be honest to our faces when they see us taking on something new that will take away from our passion of motherhood and leave our children with grumpy left overs.
So at the end of the day mom, if this is ringing a familiar tune to you, stand up and take back the passion of your motherhood. Do it in the knowledge that God is for you and will fight for you, that your friends and loved ones are there to help you but you have to ask. And remember that feeling when your child was born and take your stand against the devil's arrow. You got this! |
Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up ~
This week has been an educational crash course in saying "YES" and I have had my eyes opened to why that is a bad thing. I have been living my life as the "YES" women to everyone. Yes, to my husband. Yes, to my children. Yes, to my friends. Yes, to my ministry. Yes, to my church even. And I could feel the walls closing in, I could feel God whispering to let go, but my stubborn "superwoman" persona would not allow that. For those of you mothers that work jobs feel free to add in the "YES" to all those demands too! All of this "yesing" hasn't been good and then add on top of it my sudden but severe memory loss and I have given myself a perfect storm of over planning. I felt it at first on Friday, my daughter's new bed was being delivered a head of schedule (wasn't suppose to be until Monday). Lance forgot to take the truck to grab the mattress, so when he got home we ran to Costco to grab it (a 30 minute drive). Then when we got home we had to build the bed... all the while waiting for weekend company to show up! I remember doing the dishes and thinking to myself that I should cancel our company, be honest with them of my over planning. But I wanted to see them! And it ended up working out fine, until Monday rolled around. VBS, working on my daughter's room, pet sitting,
not to mention all my normal weekly responsibilities that I had to do. Yep, I had done it AGAIN!
See our problem as mothers is we feel a need to prove to others we can do it all. And we literally feel it in our very bones that if we can't we have some how failed at being "super mom". But this is a lie! You mother, are under attack by the second best war corespondent in the universe. Satan. See, as mothers we can usually pick out when the devil is trying to get us distracted using sad, mean, hurtful or even horrific circumstances. Little Addy who I blogged about recently, her family is stronger in their faith because of the devil trying to distract them away from God with Addy's diagnoses. Heck! All he is doing is making them lean all on God. So, when that fails Satan changes tactics to try and tempt us with his sugar. Spiritual sugar. Most of the world is aware today that sugar is more addictive then heroine. We know it is bad for us but it is so hard to find things without it added in. It is in our faces, promising pleasure, all the while it is killing us. So what is spiritual sugar then?
not to mention all my normal weekly responsibilities that I had to do. Yep, I had done it AGAIN!
See our problem as mothers is we feel a need to prove to others we can do it all. And we literally feel it in our very bones that if we can't we have some how failed at being "super mom". But this is a lie! You mother, are under attack by the second best war corespondent in the universe. Satan. See, as mothers we can usually pick out when the devil is trying to get us distracted using sad, mean, hurtful or even horrific circumstances. Little Addy who I blogged about recently, her family is stronger in their faith because of the devil trying to distract them away from God with Addy's diagnoses. Heck! All he is doing is making them lean all on God. So, when that fails Satan changes tactics to try and tempt us with his sugar. Spiritual sugar. Most of the world is aware today that sugar is more addictive then heroine. We know it is bad for us but it is so hard to find things without it added in. It is in our faces, promising pleasure, all the while it is killing us. So what is spiritual sugar then?
Spiritual sugar is anything good in our lives that is not God lead. Go ahead and make a post it of that definition, I'll wait. LOL. As mothers we have soooo many good things the devil tries to distract us with. Last night at our sisterhood meeting we dived into these "sugars". See when we try to do something good, anything good, but it is not God lead, we are giving in to unhealthy distractions. Ever wonder why it says in the bible to "Pray without ceasing" - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18? I believe with all my heart that it says that because we are suppose to talk to God about every good possibility that comes our way so that He can LEAD us forward or tell us no, or even to put it on the back burner. Spiritual sugar acts in the same way as sugar. We say yes to all these good things, everything feels great so far and we can even feel like we are riding on the "Holy Spirit High". But then the energy the good thing gives wears off leaving us sluggish, down, tired, drained. Sounding familiar yet?
As mothers we have to learn to prioritize better, to prioritize going to God to see what He wants us to do. Now, I am not talking about asking God if you should have a ham sandwich instead of turkey sandwich by any means. LOL. But I am saying that we can no longer as mothers use the excuse that we don't have enough time in our day to even catch our breath. That is another lie. God has given us the exact amount of time each and every day to get everything done that HE wants us to get done. The problem lies with the distractions that pull us away from His will. These distractions can look different for each of you. It can be your electronics, it can be social media (guilty), it can be pets, it can be friends sometimes, it can literally be anything good that leaves you feeling drained after a short time to the point you can't do the things God wants you to do. Because lets face it, if you aren't doing what God wants you to do then you aren't putting Him first are you? So how do we priorities and let go of good distractions? Lets break it down.
As mothers we have to learn to prioritize better, to prioritize going to God to see what He wants us to do. Now, I am not talking about asking God if you should have a ham sandwich instead of turkey sandwich by any means. LOL. But I am saying that we can no longer as mothers use the excuse that we don't have enough time in our day to even catch our breath. That is another lie. God has given us the exact amount of time each and every day to get everything done that HE wants us to get done. The problem lies with the distractions that pull us away from His will. These distractions can look different for each of you. It can be your electronics, it can be social media (guilty), it can be pets, it can be friends sometimes, it can literally be anything good that leaves you feeling drained after a short time to the point you can't do the things God wants you to do. Because lets face it, if you aren't doing what God wants you to do then you aren't putting Him first are you? So how do we priorities and let go of good distractions? Lets break it down.
Priority #1 - God
Our first priority in life has always got to be our Father. He loves us the most, cares for us the most, and does everything for us. So in all things ask God about it. Keep Him first by getting His will done and with practice your will will begin to line up with His. He is for you, all we have to do is accept His guidance. A true super hero can admit when they need help and accept it. You mother have an open door that is flooding with help if you can just trust your Lord through it.
Our first priority in life has always got to be our Father. He loves us the most, cares for us the most, and does everything for us. So in all things ask God about it. Keep Him first by getting His will done and with practice your will will begin to line up with His. He is for you, all we have to do is accept His guidance. A true super hero can admit when they need help and accept it. You mother have an open door that is flooding with help if you can just trust your Lord through it.
Priority #2 - Yourself
Your second priority must be you! In case you think you read that wrong, your second priority is YOU, YOU, YOU! How as a mother can you possibly think about giving yourself to help others if you can't help yourself first? You can NOT be empty and try to fill someone else's cup, you just can't. This doesn't mean you now have the right to splurge on things or leave the house as soon as the hubby gets home. No, but it does mean your schedule needs to have you in it! A schedule that has time for a DAILY shower just to feel refreshed, time for a rest or down time, at some point at least weekly time for fellowship with a friend or two, and time for fellowship in private with your Father to get off your chest the things you usually vent to your friends about.
Your second priority must be you! In case you think you read that wrong, your second priority is YOU, YOU, YOU! How as a mother can you possibly think about giving yourself to help others if you can't help yourself first? You can NOT be empty and try to fill someone else's cup, you just can't. This doesn't mean you now have the right to splurge on things or leave the house as soon as the hubby gets home. No, but it does mean your schedule needs to have you in it! A schedule that has time for a DAILY shower just to feel refreshed, time for a rest or down time, at some point at least weekly time for fellowship with a friend or two, and time for fellowship in private with your Father to get off your chest the things you usually vent to your friends about.
Priority #3 - Your husband (if you are a single mom this will mean you need to make extra time for priority #2)
You husband needs your best, not your left overs. And it is hard! Gosh it is hard, because the last thing I want to do (especially if I didn't get priority #2 in my schedule) is give my husband my best. Can I get an amen? But mothers... wives, your husbands love you! It actually stresses them out when they come home to your "left overs" because they feel guilty themselves for not being home more to help out. So practice just hugging your husband when he gets home and smile a loving smile. Because he needs to know it was a rough day but that you got through it and you are glad he is now home to help. Plus your children are watching how you respond and that is how they will respond to their spouse someday.
You husband needs your best, not your left overs. And it is hard! Gosh it is hard, because the last thing I want to do (especially if I didn't get priority #2 in my schedule) is give my husband my best. Can I get an amen? But mothers... wives, your husbands love you! It actually stresses them out when they come home to your "left overs" because they feel guilty themselves for not being home more to help out. So practice just hugging your husband when he gets home and smile a loving smile. Because he needs to know it was a rough day but that you got through it and you are glad he is now home to help. Plus your children are watching how you respond and that is how they will respond to their spouse someday.
Priority #4 - Your children
How many of you put your children at priority #2 or (gulp) priority #1? Yeah, not a good idea. If you are like me and homeschool you may be gulping twice. LOL. Our children when they are first born are 100% dependent on us, but that doesn't change our list of priorities. I used to believe it did but it doesn't. We may not be able to help our husband with the lawn or be intimate as often, but we can still be loving, respectful and caring to him. And our electronic devices should never take priority over our children. If you are like me and use electronics for work or ministry then you need to schedule a specific block of time to get work done and...STICK TO IT. You are responsible for a large portion of your child's upbringing and you will be held accountable for how you stewarded God's gift to you. I say this not to scare you, I say it because like I said before, God gave you all the time you need to be a parent and if you are feeling like there isn't enough of that time to raise your children and be a good mom then you are saying yes to something you should be saying no to.
How many of you put your children at priority #2 or (gulp) priority #1? Yeah, not a good idea. If you are like me and homeschool you may be gulping twice. LOL. Our children when they are first born are 100% dependent on us, but that doesn't change our list of priorities. I used to believe it did but it doesn't. We may not be able to help our husband with the lawn or be intimate as often, but we can still be loving, respectful and caring to him. And our electronic devices should never take priority over our children. If you are like me and use electronics for work or ministry then you need to schedule a specific block of time to get work done and...STICK TO IT. You are responsible for a large portion of your child's upbringing and you will be held accountable for how you stewarded God's gift to you. I say this not to scare you, I say it because like I said before, God gave you all the time you need to be a parent and if you are feeling like there isn't enough of that time to raise your children and be a good mom then you are saying yes to something you should be saying no to.
Priority #5 - Your ministry
That's right, your ministry. If you are a Christ follower you have a ministry whether you recognize it or not. Whether it is big or small. Doesn't matter. Christ called us to go into the world and spread the Way to EVERYONE. That is not just your children, not just your friends. It is everyone, mind blowing don't you think? Christ called us priest and the definition of priest it to share God's love and to teach that Jesus is the way. You could be like me and this blog for your ministry or you could be the mom that helps at the soup kitchen (with or without your children) or even the mom at work that doesn't gossip with the other employees but instead shows love to everyone. Whatever it is, it needs to be a priority.
That's right, your ministry. If you are a Christ follower you have a ministry whether you recognize it or not. Whether it is big or small. Doesn't matter. Christ called us to go into the world and spread the Way to EVERYONE. That is not just your children, not just your friends. It is everyone, mind blowing don't you think? Christ called us priest and the definition of priest it to share God's love and to teach that Jesus is the way. You could be like me and this blog for your ministry or you could be the mom that helps at the soup kitchen (with or without your children) or even the mom at work that doesn't gossip with the other employees but instead shows love to everyone. Whatever it is, it needs to be a priority.
SPIRITUAL SUGAR IS ANYTHING GOOD THAT IS NOT GOD LEAD ~
So there you have it mothers. If you do these priorities and learn to say no to things that God is not leading you to life will be calmer. Not every day, because we will forget this wisdom and regress and have to come back to it. The house, the car, the errands, the extracurricular things and the electronics and social media are all fillers. An analogy I heard last night on the Better Together show was that the priorities are the large stones of life. They fill up the most time and then the extras are smaller pebbles that are okay as long as they aren't distracting us from the big stones. Or, the priorities are the meat and potatoes of life and the extras are the treats for after you've eaten your dinner. LOL
One more thing. Mothers, you must recognize that this life is a living breathing and growing thing. Something that was once God lead He will eventually ask you to let go of to move you to something even bigger. God will never keep us in something too long lest we get comfortable, complacent, stagnant. He will ask you to let go so you can grab onto the new thing He wants for you. I am currently in the process of doing this. Letting go of something I have ministered since 2015 so that He can lead me to a new ministry. So always be on the look out for the good thing that is God lead and pray without ceasing so that you will recognize it when He is ready to show you. He loves you and the only way to grow and be molded into who He needs you to be is to be willing to branch out into unfamiliar territory.
One more thing. Mothers, you must recognize that this life is a living breathing and growing thing. Something that was once God lead He will eventually ask you to let go of to move you to something even bigger. God will never keep us in something too long lest we get comfortable, complacent, stagnant. He will ask you to let go so you can grab onto the new thing He wants for you. I am currently in the process of doing this. Letting go of something I have ministered since 2015 so that He can lead me to a new ministry. So always be on the look out for the good thing that is God lead and pray without ceasing so that you will recognize it when He is ready to show you. He loves you and the only way to grow and be molded into who He needs you to be is to be willing to branch out into unfamiliar territory.
It is funny. I have had a lot going on since I last wrote, that includes as of this morning, losing my engagement ring to the garbage disposal. Needless to say I was devastated. First it was the week old new Apple Watch that is swimming with the fishes; now it is the 14 year old engagement ring that I will not be able to pass to one of my son's future brides. Through tears and pain at the sentimental loss of my ring I can still find the bottom line of this weeks post. I can still remember last week's post about finding joy in things other then the Lord, and the danger that holds. So I press on, but I will tell you what, Briseis is getting some serious life lessons on why you don't want to get too attached to things of this world!
This week I have been focusing on the mistakes we make, the mistakes our children make. I have been watching and observing. I have been listening and processing. Earlier this week I saw two brothers walking into VBS. They were probably about 9 and 11. The younger was so excited to be going to VBS with his brother and went to give him a side hug as they were walking. My heart broke as I watched the older one shove his brother off and tell him not to touch him with annoyance and venom in his words. The mother either did not care to notice it or was so engulfed in her phone or something she didn't see. In that moment all I wanted to do was go up to that boy and give him a hug... and scold his brother and make him apologize. I hurt for the younger brother.
But you know what mom? I see my children doing the same thing. I see them act nasty to their sibling even when one is trying to be loving and I HATE IT! I'm sure you empathize with me on this if you have more then one child. Heck! If your child has a friend that has ever done something like that you empathize. I hate myself when I am too lazy to do anything about it because I have been the referee all day. Sadly, that is life and though as mothers we try to teach our children how to behave and how to act they will ALWAYS miss the mark at times.
The other day I was in the car listening to a talk show. The guy was talking about consequences for our children and how a lot of parents today are over punishing their children. Funny, looks like we have gone to no discipline all the way back to over disciplining. The balance of life is always fluctuating from one side to the other trying to reach that balance. Anyway, back on topic. The speaker was explaining that as parents our job is to teach our children through example and our own testimony. So often, when our children mess up we are so quick to punish with our own consequence (usually out of anger) that we don't even think about the natural consequences that will happen. Then when those consequences finally come we say nasty remarks to our children like, "Serves you right", "Told you that would happen", "Maybe next time you'll listen". All we are doing is adding insult to injury. Let me give you an example, you child is not studying for a big test they know is coming up. You have reminded them numerous times that they need to. The day of the big test comes and naturally they fail. You ground them for a month from driving, video games, friends, pretty much everything except studying. Once your punishment is finished you child is told by his teacher that because of his low grade he will have to go to summer school which will make him miss out on a trip to, we will say Universal. When they tell you this you respond with one of the above remarks. So now, for a mistake they made they have had your consequence, the natural consequence as well as a remark that does not show love. Next time something similar happens your child may even try to start lying to make you think all is well as to avoid added consequences and snide remarks. The natural consequence will still happen but you have lost your child's trust to be just.
There are natural consequence that always follow mistakes we make. They may not happen right away, but they will always show up. Our God is loving, but He is also just. He pleads with us to listen just as we plead with our children to listen. The brothers? They could very well grow up not having a relationship. I for one do not want that for my children, when I am gone I want to know they have each other's backs. By giving my testimony of how I loved my siblings and how I didn't, I teach my children about the natural consequences that can happen. By talking to them and loving them when they do make mistakes they understand and will appreciate me a lot more when there is a consequence I have to give them. Briseis is in a phase currently with hitting her brother when he upsets her. I have told her about when that happened to me and how I dealt with it. When it became persistent then she was warned that she would have to do a writing if it happened again. When that time came I did have to enforce a consequence, one she knew was coming if her actions continued. But I didn't lash out with a punishment to blind side her. I didn't say harsh words when her brother finally hit her back. Slowly she is learning how to respond in a loving way to him when she needs a break. I am also learning of how to treat and, especially, talk to my children; in a way that I won't fear the natural consequence of them not wanting a relationship with me when they are older.
So the next time the anger builds up and you want to lash out at your children for a mistake they made, stop to consider what the natural consequence will be. Think back to if you were ever in the same situation and share with them what happened to you. Love on them and pray for them that they learned from the mistake. And if it becomes a repeat mistake explain to them before hand what the consequence will have to be, doing it out of love and not anger. Because at the end of the day Lance yelling at me for turning on the garbage disposal would have only added insult to injury. But because Lance loves me and knew the natural consequence was breaking my heart already there was no need for added hurtful comments. Instead he hugged me and reassured me and knew that I would NEVER EVER turn on the garbage disposal again without checking to know where my rings were.
Fathers, do not provoke your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord ~
11 days! That is how long I was away from my babies. I still remember dropping them off at their (other) grandparents house, choking back tears, knowing if they saw me crying it would only be that much harder for them. A million "what ifs" running through my mind, all of them unpleasant and anxiety ridden. I had never been away from them this long, not even close to this long. I had never been this far away from them, a full day of traveling should anything happen. As the worry and fear and sadness grew, there were times I down right did not want to go. What if one of them got hurt or died? What if Lance or I died? But I dropped them off, a mask plastered on my face so they wouldn't see my worry. I left and didn't make it down the street before I started crying, wanting nothing more then to hold my children in my arms.
Motherhood is a crazy thing, isn't it? We gripe and complain to our husbands, our friends, and God about how we need a break from motherhood. But just when we get that chance we recoil those feelings and replace them with worry and heart break. Yes, heart break! That was the emotion I was feeling as I drove off, like my heart was being torn in two. I shouldn't have been surprised, I get the same way when Lance is called out of town (but since he is an adult it isn't as strong). Everyone I complained to had to reiterate to me that this was not only a good thing but a needed thing for me.
Poor Lance. For two years we saved for this trip and he put up with my sharpness because I "needed a break" only to have me change my tune at the last minute to a note of worry and fear. Bless his heart! The next morning we left for Canada. My parents came too. It was the first time I had them to myself in 34 years! The trip was a complete success and we had so much fun on our Alaskan cruise. And after arriving in Vancouver I began to relax and truly enjoy being with my husband and my parents. And before I go any further, yes there were times Lance and I fought. Times my parents fought. That is life, but for the whole of the trip it was great. Nothing in life can ever be 100% perfect.
Motherhood is a crazy thing, isn't it? We gripe and complain to our husbands, our friends, and God about how we need a break from motherhood. But just when we get that chance we recoil those feelings and replace them with worry and heart break. Yes, heart break! That was the emotion I was feeling as I drove off, like my heart was being torn in two. I shouldn't have been surprised, I get the same way when Lance is called out of town (but since he is an adult it isn't as strong). Everyone I complained to had to reiterate to me that this was not only a good thing but a needed thing for me.
Poor Lance. For two years we saved for this trip and he put up with my sharpness because I "needed a break" only to have me change my tune at the last minute to a note of worry and fear. Bless his heart! The next morning we left for Canada. My parents came too. It was the first time I had them to myself in 34 years! The trip was a complete success and we had so much fun on our Alaskan cruise. And after arriving in Vancouver I began to relax and truly enjoy being with my husband and my parents. And before I go any further, yes there were times Lance and I fought. Times my parents fought. That is life, but for the whole of the trip it was great. Nothing in life can ever be 100% perfect.
As mothers I think we feel like we lose control when we can't be near our children. Motherhood is our calling, and how can we fulfill that calling if we aren't with our children? Homeschooling moms, I think we may have a harder time with this then mothers that have their children go to school. But I could be totally wrong. But I do admire these mothers who work or send their children to school, you know who you are. You are taking necessary steps to ensure your children learn that just because mom or dad isn't there doesn't mean it is the end of the world. You are teaching yourselves to take little steps to allowing your children to find their identity without you there. I thought my children would be screaming and crying during this trip, worried I had abandoned them or something (rarely did we have cell service). But letting them go and trusting God with the control over my children's well being is what our family needed, it was what I needed.
I learned on this trip that my children were the focus of my joy and the "what ifs" alone of losing them or them suffering was almost physically unbearable. And that mothers is a problem. If my joy is found in my children and something should happen to them then my joy dies. Our joy is to be found in the Lord alone and my joy was misplaced. Once I allowed myself to trust God with my children I was able to receive His joy during my trip. I smiled and laughed and felt so good on this trip because my joy was in Him and all the experiences he allowed me to see and do (some, like the whales, that are only in my memory because we didn't get pictures of them because we were too busy just watching them) were breathtakingly beautiful. And did God provide! His miracles and wonders were overflowing on this trip because I could see them through clear eyes, joy filled eyes.
I learned on this trip that my children were the focus of my joy and the "what ifs" alone of losing them or them suffering was almost physically unbearable. And that mothers is a problem. If my joy is found in my children and something should happen to them then my joy dies. Our joy is to be found in the Lord alone and my joy was misplaced. Once I allowed myself to trust God with my children I was able to receive His joy during my trip. I smiled and laughed and felt so good on this trip because my joy was in Him and all the experiences he allowed me to see and do (some, like the whales, that are only in my memory because we didn't get pictures of them because we were too busy just watching them) were breathtakingly beautiful. And did God provide! His miracles and wonders were overflowing on this trip because I could see them through clear eyes, joy filled eyes.
Now I am by no means saying that I didn't miss my kids like crazy, that I don't love them, that they are not my livelihood because they are and I did. But I am saying that sometimes as moms we can get so focused on our children that we miss receiving the joy from other aspects of our life that God has for us. Had I not altered my perspective on where my joy was, this trip could have been miserable. Fear and worry could have left me handicapped in our room. Just thinking of this brings the show Scrubs to mind when Carla has to leave her daughter for the first time and spends most of the trip in her room on the phone or crying about being apart from her baby girl. But because I sought my joy from God that didn't happen. I was able to fully enjoy my vacation and my mom. I had so much fun with her and it gave me a glimpse into the future of what will come with my own children. My mom let me go off to live my own life long ago, but thanks to God's answered prayers I was able to spend an amazing time being her daughter again, mending past hurts and strengthening our relationship. Lance and I had fun together, just plain old FUN, the way I hope our empty nest years will be! I got to see my dad really smile (a rare thing), most of the time I was the reason he was because of something I would say (by the way, I have given him an official nickname now. LOL)
So what I learned from this trip is that my joy needs to come from the Lord, which will be hard to remember when my calling is to homeschool my children. But ultimately I will be a happier mom if that is where my joy lies because my children will fail me and disappointment me but my Lord never will. If I live with my joy focused on Him them I will actually enjoy my children that much more. So when the time comes mother for you to go on a trip and leave your little ones behind, do not let fear, anxiety or worry keep you from the joy of the Lord. If you let Him he will give you the recharge you need as a mother. And then when it is time to come home you will have butterflies in your stomach with anticipation of reuniting with your children. Then when the hugs and kisses consume you from your little ones you will be truly refreshed and will have no need to leave them again for a long time! The old saying, "I need a vacation to recover from my vacation" will not exist because you allowed God to refill you through His wonders. Trust me on this, it is the first vacation I have taken where the last thing I wanted to do was come home and be lazy and recuperate. I am recharged and my joy is in the correct place so now I can enjoy being home with my family with excited anticipation of what the future at home holds.
So what I learned from this trip is that my joy needs to come from the Lord, which will be hard to remember when my calling is to homeschool my children. But ultimately I will be a happier mom if that is where my joy lies because my children will fail me and disappointment me but my Lord never will. If I live with my joy focused on Him them I will actually enjoy my children that much more. So when the time comes mother for you to go on a trip and leave your little ones behind, do not let fear, anxiety or worry keep you from the joy of the Lord. If you let Him he will give you the recharge you need as a mother. And then when it is time to come home you will have butterflies in your stomach with anticipation of reuniting with your children. Then when the hugs and kisses consume you from your little ones you will be truly refreshed and will have no need to leave them again for a long time! The old saying, "I need a vacation to recover from my vacation" will not exist because you allowed God to refill you through His wonders. Trust me on this, it is the first vacation I have taken where the last thing I wanted to do was come home and be lazy and recuperate. I am recharged and my joy is in the correct place so now I can enjoy being home with my family with excited anticipation of what the future at home holds.
They had a blast while we were gone and by missing them we got home and didn't want to leave their sides, so we have been playing with them more, been nicer to them and more patient, and we are doing things together again as a family.