3 Steps to Letting Go and Breaking Free...

    What I see when I look in the mirror is a meaty woman because I enjoyed food and didn't want to leave this rental without getting a taste of delicious cuisine in this world. 
     What I see when I look in the mirror is a pregnancy mask that never went away so that I could be reminded on the days I struggle to be a mom, what blessings I have been given and the sacrifice it took to receive them. 
     What I see when I look in the mirror are sun spots because I enjoyed living life outside. Whether it be the mountains, the beaches or the plains; I wanted to take it all in. 
     What I see when I look in the mirror and I can't remember what I did yesterday or even that morning, it's because I have the responsibilities to care and love for so many, so sometimes it's hard to remember the little things. 
     What I see when I look in the mirror is something wonderful. I see a woman that is enjoying life to the fullest, because this home is a rental and nothing more. And when the time comes to go Home I want to look in Jesus' eyes and hear, "Well done, you enjoyed your days and lived to the fullest. You enjoyed the things of the world I offered. You were a good steward and loved your children without fault. You took in the beauty of the things my Father created. You cared even when you felt you could not give one more thing to anyone else".
     You know what I hope you see when you look in the mirror, my dear friend? That you are beautiful, just like me. 

     I have been battling with the devil since before this picture was taken. We moved into our new house and I had to go onto antidepressants. I have been on them since and my health has declined since this picture was taken. I have to admit I love this picture, I love it even though there is someone's finger in it. I love it even though Rejko isn't even looking at the camera. I love this picture because it is one of the few pictures I have of me that is not staged with a smile. In this picture my brother was dressed up as that T-rex everyone wears now and Rejko was terrified and he was headed right for us! So this is not just a smile but I was outright laughing. I love it because of the true joy I have on my face, I wasn't posing and trying to look good, the joy emanating from me made it so I felt good when I looked at it. 
     Fast forward to today, I am off my antidepressants thanks to holistic approaches and a few more things... As moms, especially stay at home moms, and really especially homeschool stay at home moms our homes can start to close in on us can't they? The homes where life happens for us can start to feel more like a prison. Well guess what moms, your right in that thinking. A prison is also called "a place of confinement". When we are home moms the weight of our "do to list" is always overwhelming and always never ending. Because of this feeling of imprisonment a lot of us fall into a funk. We start eating because we are stressed or bored. We stop exercising because the "to do list" just doesn't leave time for that. We stop spending time with God because heck, if there is no time for exercise then there certainly isn't time for God. The weight of our home gets heavier and heavier and before we know it we are snapping, agitated, grumpy moms who feel trapped in a prison they can not get away from. 

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 May 2017                                                        May  2018                                                     May  2019

     Going to get real with you mommies. This is me over the course of the years since moving into our new home. See when we moved out of our old home I was mother of a 3 year old and a 1 year old. My youngest was only 3 weeks old. We moved into our in-laws while we built our new home. I had help and I had very little space that needed me to keep clean. Then like a rush of water I was thrown into a new home with three walking children all who were making messes everywhere in an open concept house. I began drowning fast. I didn't know that the devil was making my new home an enemy. I didn't see him start attacking me which trickled down to my marriage and my family. But it did and it got BAD! Let's just say the kids and my husband were not the first or the SECOND to put a hole into our new walls. 
     But that is changing for me now moms. I am growing in my faith and I am growing in wisdom. And you know what you can too! It started off small, I put God first. I didn't care what I had to brush aside, I found time with my Lord every day (well almost every day, I can't lie to you guys). That was in 2017, LATE 2017 mind you. In 2018 (which was my hardest year physically due to injury after injury) I began to focus on me. It was hard not to feel guilty about doing that. But I did it... I started locking the door when I went to the bathroom! That was my baby step, that grew into having quiet time to research my health in more depth. This year I switched supplements and started to try, STRESS the word try, to be active. Yeah, that's right, I'm not saying exercise! I am simply saying to be more active with yourselves. For me I started walking with a friend three times a week around the neighborhood. In the past three weeks I have made another huge stride and I am going to share this secret with you. 
     The secret is get OUTSIDE! Let me tell you exactly why getting outside is the best thing EVER! When us moms stay inside and decide to have a "lazy day" we fret. We fret all day and feel guilty as we see the laundry and dirty dishes whenever we get up. We feel the same way when the kids are bored and want attention and we snap at them and put them in front of the TV. But when we allow ourselves to break out of our homes then things change. So get outside! Go to the pool, go to the beach, go to a park, whatever it is get outside. Soak up the vitamin D and sit back and watch your little ones playing in the water. It is so euphoric to be in the water relaxing and when you get up to check the time you don't have to worry about the dirty laundry or the nagging dishes in the sink. You have peace when you allow yourself to get away. The devil has a lot harder time making us feel guilty about a check list when it is out of site and out of mind. 
     True testimony, it has gotten so peaceful that I was able to get my Mother's Day present, an Apple Watch the Saturday of Mother's Day, go wake boarding on Friday and look down to see the sea had claimed my gift (seriously not even a week old) to the depths; and I was able to get over it and still enjoy my day outside. Side note: yes I am still devastated that my poor husband worked so hard to get it for me and I was so stupid I didn't take it off. But my point is, before I found my way that would have ruined my day, I would have gone home and fallen into a deep depression. I would have eaten food that was not only bad for my health but bad for my soul. 
     So if this is you today mom, I am asking you to try this:
1. Put God first, start with just 5 minutes a day
2. Focus on your health by doing something to get yourself moving, start with just 2-3 days a week
3. Get outside! Go for a walk, watch your kids play in the sprinkler, read a book even. Just get outside!

     Our homes were never meant to be a prison. Our homes are to be a place of rest, a place of security, a place of comfort. It will take practice and there will be days you just have to bite the bullet and get things done. But don't let your "to do list" be your idol. If you can't walk away from it then it's your idol, so stop letting it control your time, let God control your time. I promise life will be so much more fun and you will feel so much better about you, beautiful mom.

This past Friday after I lost my new Apple Watch. The Lord give it and the Lord take it away. LOTOWCOTI (Laughing on the outside while crying on the inside). LOL! 

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​Proverbs 16:3 Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established

Isaiah 58:11 And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail