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I wake up and try to remember who you are. Your face seems familiar but I can't recall a name. I know I should know you, you remind me all the time who you are. I hate that I can't remember what you said. I smile at you because inside I am scared, but a mask must be better than the truth, right? It's so hard... son. I struggle to get you up and out of bed. I'm not as strong as I used to be. You seem to make it so difficult for me to help you. I try to not lash out in frustration after repeating myself for what seems the millionth time. As I lift with all my strength I remind myself to do it gently as your skin is so thin and fragile. You smile at me and I feel like you are doing this on purpose. It's so hard... dad. I wish I could do more to help. I know my husband is not doing anything on purpose, it is simply the result of an aging brain, no, a regressing brain. I am afraid to ask you for help with my needs as I see how frustrated you are dealing with your father. I feel like the things I ask are simple and easy things you can help me with, but I have stopped asking for much because they must not be because if they were you wouldn't be so harsh with me. It's so hard... son. I am doing my best to do your "to do" list you have asked of me. I keep feeling like they are things you should be able to do. It is so annoying that you seem to not even try, or you seem to wait until the worst moment to ask. Don't you know I have a million other things to do and I am trying my best? So I say "yes" in a sharp tone, the kind of tone a parent uses towards their child. I make sure to huff and sigh so you know the burden it is. It's so hard... mom. Lord, I am ready to come home to You. I have run my race and I feel like a burden to those around me. I want You to take me home and I worry I will forget who You are before You do. Why do You tarry with me? What purpose could I possibly have left here to do? People around me tell me I used to do all these amazing things, I wish they wouldn't lie like that and would just be honest that they would rather be anywhere else. They tell me their names and who they are to me and I to them, I just smile and say "I know" because I am too tired to tell them I truly don't remember. I am so frustrated when I wake up, that this body won't do what it used to do. Surely I used to be able to hold my balance, surely I was able to run, surely I was able to make my own meals, and the worst... surely I was able to go to the bathroom on my own. Yet once again I just smile because it is too uncomfortable and embarrassing to watch these people help me with that, especially the one that calls me dad. If I am the dad, then I should be taking care of him and not the other way around, so he can't be my son. Oh Lord, sometimes I get so frustrated with myself that I lash out to those trying to help. I don't like being told what to do like a child. A child doesn't have thin wrinkly skin like me, a child doesn't have to shuffle their feet just to walk, a child certainly isn't married, right? I no longer even know where I am, California perhaps, nothing looks familiar anymore except my wife. Help me Lord, help me to persevere well, it's so hard. Lord, I don't know how to do this. My husband has slipped away and been replaced with a large child. The one that used to protect me, I now have to dress, feed, help to the bathroom, and do the protecting. I wish he could reminisce about our life together once more. I wish he could be the strong man that I could weep on when in the valley. I lean on You Lord now because he is gone. How I ache, how alone I feel. The once large home I had that was full of a lifetime of memories, that had family coming and going all the time... it's long gone. Now all those things have been replaced with a foreign "apartment" that has only the remnant of what once was. I struggle with my son, whom I love dearly. Lord, I know he is struggling like me, seeing his father replaced with someone who doesn't know him has to be so painful. But Lord, I need his help and I hate to bother him as he gets so angry at me. I promise Lord I am not trying to be difficult, I am just trying to find joy in the smallest parts of an old life that remain. The Christmas decorations that give me memories of a happier time, a more youthful time, can't shouldn't bring on so much anger from him, right? I look in the mirror and wonder how long I have with my husband, part of me hopes not long and the other never wants to it come. Because no matter how alone I feel right now, when he is gone it will be worse. Help me Lord, help me to persevere well, it's so hard. Lord, this is so hard! I want to be a good son to my mother and father, but it is emotionally and physically draining. Yet, even saying that brings on such feelings of guilt. Never in my life would I have thought "life will be so much easier when...". No, Lord, I should not go there. I am trying to be your faithful servant, but just like with my children, You gave no manual for how to take care of your parents. The ones that used to protect me and comfort me when I had a nightmare, the ones who drove me around to all the places I needed to go, the ones that cared for me in all ways, they are slipping away. Dad doesn't even know me anymore and it makes me sad and grieved which then makes me angry which then leads to me snapping at my mom when she asks a simple task of me. I should be doing this better, I should have a smile on my face as I give back to my parents for all the years of service they unconditionally gave me. Instead, I hurt and I cry for what once was. Even knowing it won't always be like this brings little comfort right now. Mom doesn't understand that I wish dad could remember our memories together. She forgets I am not just a caregiver, but that I am still a son, her son. She doesn't understand that I just want to sit down the two of us and talk. Talk about what once was and laugh, talk about what is and cry, talk about what's coming and grieve. But instead she just asked me to do another task and I can feel my temper rising. Help me Lord, help me to persevere well, it's so hard... learning how to say goodbye. It's Hard Learning To Stay Goodbye I am writing this as my dad is struggling to navigate the waters of aging parents. My Papa has dementia, so he can't remember his son any longer. My dad looks at him and he grieves. He grieves for his dad and the man he used to be. He grieves for the memories of better times, of laughter with his dad and brothers. Most of all he grieves for himself. More than anything he is scared of looking through this looking glass at who he may become. This leads him to lash out at his mom when she needs his help. His fear blinds him to God's calling on him to care for them. He doesn't realize he has walked this blind path before. Raising his children was a lot like caring for his aging parents. As parents we are walking blind with just a warm glow lighting up the next step to take, always worried we are the worst out there. I watch him struggle with himself over this, the spirit wanting to do the will of God and the flesh wanting it all to stop. I ache for his struggle and the desire to help. I watch and learn from what does that aligns with God and what would make God cry. One step in front of the other is all he can take, and in the end hope that he can stand before God and hear, "I am so proud of you for persevering well my son, I know that was so hard." I am writing this as my grandmama is struggling to live with a man that no longer holds any memories of their life together. He feels great comfort in her and her presence, but she now has to be the strong one. I see in her eyes, the heartache of what she is being asked to endure. To have a husband that acts more like a child at the age of three all the time is draining. So much has changed in her life in the past few years. She has let go of her family's home in Colorado, moved down here to a new house only to need to move again to a retirement home for the sake of my Papa. She said goodbye to being the host of parties, she said goodbye to the majority of the things that held memories of their life. I ache for her and want to help, but there are just some things there is no help for other than to hold a hand. I often wonder if I was given the future knowledge of my husband becoming like my Papa, would I have said "I do"? Good thing God knows better than to give us all that knowledge up front. I am so proud of her though, she still is able to find joy in the sorrow. She is able to trust God in this season despite how hard it is. With her eyes set on Him she waits patiently to hear, "You did it daughter. You stayed the course and finished well." I am writing this as my Papa forgets a little more everyday. My Papa is an amazing guy! He is in the Navy hall of fame for helping innovate the space shuttle, he has eaten scorpion and monkey brain in China, he had the coolest tractor to cut his field that he let us help drive. I could go on. But... he remembers none of this. He has even gotten angry thinking we are telling lies about him (even if they are good). And... he is scared. He once confided in me that he no longer knew where he was (he thought California). He pointed out to me all the things he didn't know while telling me he felt like a burden. He said he wanted to die because of feeling he was like this. It broke my heart. He is truly a lovable old man despite his dementia. He really does act like a 3 year old happy child, but there have been some more recent "tantrums" too. I can do one thing and one thing only for him, love him. I don't try to remind him of things anymore, I just sit there and love him. When he makes jokes a play along with it, because I know he's scared deep down. I know he is going home soon to our Lord. I know He won't let him forget who He is. I know I will see him someday with all aches and pains gone and a mind sharper than ever. I know God will say to him, "Well done my good and faithful servant." I write this to all children and spouses that are having to learn how to let go. To get ready to say goodbye even when you know it isn't forever. I write this because I am learning from my dad what to expect so when the time comes for me to get ready to say goodbye I can persevere well.
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I see you looking. I love to play this game with you, it is one of the funnest. As you look I find great happiness in manipulating what you see. Just as in those fun apps we created (my kind and me) that allow you to take an image and move the mouth over here and the eyes over there of a person until they look like a Picasso. I laugh and giggle as you get frustrated looking. I pull what you see here and there until I can see frustration turning into anger. That is the best part because you are so good at placing your anger in all the wrong places. You place it at your Shepard's feet and that makes my job oh so much easier. As your anger converts to self loathing I start whispering loudly in your ear. The Shepard never speaks loud enough for you to hear in these moments, you're too focused on your pathetic self, my little pet. Even when He speaks through your own loved ones you choose to deny it instead of believing it. This blog idea was pressed upon me today by the Spirt after watching a scary but truthful sermon, which I will post the link to down below. This sermon, which was on AI alerted me to the cunning tactics the enemy had used on billions of people, myself included. As Believers of a western culture that is obsessed with themselves (I put myself into this category as well, and say this truth out of deep love and respect) He revealed to me how cunning the enemy is. As I pondered how to outline the blog I came up with five places this warfare happens every day. My prayer is that after you open your eyes to this truth you will be able to fight back against these attacks of the enemy (mothers and teenage girls this is especially a hard one for us, but everyone struggles with it to some degree). Attack #1: The mirror The first place that I am always attacked is my own mirror. Just as in the above dialog, it is the first "image" we tend to see. It is not a living being or a natural one. It is a man made thing. Now, don't get me wrong, I am all for mirrors, they are not evil in anyway. However, after watching the sermon with AI, I am convinced that the enemy sends his minions to literally stand in front of us when we look in the mirror. A filter if you will. With this filter, the demon has the power to distort what you are seeing reflected back to you. It can be so discouraging that even when a spouse comes in to say how beautiful you look (the Spirit trying to reach you), most of us think it's a lie or they are just trying to me nice. After all you can see exactly what they are looking at... right? Attack #2: Glass reflections The second place the enemy hits us is while we are walking past a glass reflection. Sometimes it seems no matter how hard we try not to look our eyes glance that way. Immediately the demon is there, standing between the glass and you. Legs look bigger and arms, and have you shrunk? That hair could't have looked like that all day right because surely someone would have let you know... right? Attack #3: The camera It never fails does it? We are with a group of friends and take a picture of all of us, yet when we look we seem to be the only one that is twice the size they thought they were. Face is fatter, body is stocker. The digital camera has made this even harder since you get the picture right away. You complain about how you look but your friends reassure you that you look beautiful, but the demon between me and the picture goes on distorting. Sure we are told the camera adds 10 pounds, but then how come everyone else in the picture looks just like they do in person? As envy to look like your friends sets in you realize they must be lying to you to once again make you not feel bad... right? Attack #4: Memories One of the enemy's best tactics is to use our memories against us along with manipulating our emotions. In our own heads (just like we can do in pictures from years ago) things look... better. We used to look good every day in our memories. We tend to want to go back and live in the past when we felt good about ourselves. However, I can freely admit, at those times in my memories (or pictures) I remember thinking the same thing. The same discouragement about how I looked. I never seem to get there moving forward, it always seems I came from there in the past... right? Attack #5: The screen This is probably the biggest attack they use on us and why the sermon below should be watched. How often do we disengage from reality to indulge in the screen only to start wanting what we see there? That beautiful model, that young guys with a six pack, and how can that actress still look just as young as she did when I was four?! This attack usually leads me to "give up" for the day and in so many words say "screw it, I deserve to wallow and pig out". Yep, being transparent, the beautiful images tend to be the hardest on me. Instead of motivating me (like they do my husband) and give up and decide to do whatever it is that makes me feel better. In my case, (and a besetting sin) is food. That will make me feel better in the long run... right? The solution has and always will be simple but hard Though Jesus says the path is straight (simple) it is narrow (hard to stay on). So often we start, live, and end our days with our own self in mind. Remember I am just as guilty. How many of us know the attack is coming before we even get up and pray for the truth to shine through the images we see? How often do we ask God to show us what He sees before it is too late? I have to say for me... not once. Not once have I asked God before even looking into the mirror to let me see through His eyes. It is always a reaction to what I already see as to when I cry out to Him in despair or allow the above situation to take place. THIS IS THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER: There is not a single person living that has ever seen what they truly look like. Every single thing in creation that allows you to see you is NOT necessarily what is really there. Just like everything in creation, the enemy wants to corrupt and manipulate it. When you look in the mirror and hate what you see, does that align with God's word? Nope. What about when your spouse or children say that despite what you are seeing you really look beautiful because of the Spirit speaking through them and you think it's a lie, does that align with God's definition of love? Nope. The reflection in glass then? No, you cannot trust this either. Glass can bend and have different thicknesses and even if it is flat and the correct thickness, you can never be sure what you are seeing is real. Pictures, probably the biggest lie of all. The camera may add 10 pounds because of the 3D image being flat, or is it 4D, doesn't matter! I know 100% I have looked at HUNDREDS of pictures of myself with friends and while I usually hate how I look they ALWAYS look like I see them. It is why our loved ones have such a hard time getting through to us that we are beautiful (and God for that matter). Next, memories, friends I will give you the best piece of advice I have ever received to that. A counselor once told me (while going through the hardest time in my life) that if I could not reminisce without negative antiChrist emotions invading then not to reminisce until I could. This is so true, and night time is the worst. The enemy is slick and knows fatigue and bad emotions make it easy for you to obsess with those images of the past. Yet, if you are honest you know you can't believe what you remember either! If all the images you see of yourself are filtered then the images in your brain can be too. Lastly, screens, in my opinion the worst of the worst. Again, I am not saying to stop watching anything. However, when the day has been like the one in the above dialogue, STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Remember the part about isolation? Well here is the thing. Isolation is you alone with the enemy, however, solitude is you alone with God. So the next time you want to escape because of how you feel about yourself, go to God in solitude. Go to God alone and cry out your feelings to the one who tried to whisper the truth to you all day. That is the ONLY was to quiet everything, including the enemy, so you can He the truth your value. Here is the bottom line, GO TO GOD. Start your day off ready for a fight. Believe your loved ones and friends when they say you are beautiful. When those voices get loud or the day gets too busy despite those self loathing feelings about yourself, stop and call out to the one that reassures you of the truth of who you are. Read Ephesians 1 and 2 and pull out all He says you are to Him and believe it. Know you have never ever in this life time actually seen what you really look like. So dear reader, fight back! Don't let the enemy in. We are entering a new era with AI. False perfection is here and it will be flooding every avenue in your life, you must have His armor on. Be discerning, believe your fellow believers with what they say about you. Call out the lies for what they are and cast out the demon trying to pull you down. You must learn to do this so you as a believer can be discerning and know how to tell the difference between The Truth and almost the truth. The enemy is taking this seriously, you should too. Link to sermon below. If I was the enemy I would let fear drive you mother. However, fear would not be enough, for the Shepard would quickly intervene with your offspring and I would be... reconditioned for my failure. No, I would need to mask your fear with pride as the cover. Yes, pride, that you would parent your child so well that they would never leave the Shepard's side. I would whisper in prideful fear of the 'fleshiness' of your world. I would have your heart turn bitter and hard to music, dancing, reading, even imagination that did not fall in line with the legalistic aspects of the Word. Slowly I would mold you into a prideful and self-righteous bigot. As your offspring grew I would pressure you to keep your offspring's bubble sealed up tight from anything in the world. Fear in the news and from friends would help me close the bubble round your offspring tighter. The rot of the anti-spirit's fruit would grow in you as you began to compare your offspring to others. You would judge when your friend's offspring made mistakes that hurt the Shepard and gloat inwardly that your offspring would never make those kinds of mistakes because they were safe in their bubble, safe from the world. As the years rolled by it would not matter whether your offspring openly rebelled against you and their bubble or fooled you into thinking they were perfectly content with the bubble. Oh! How it would be so hard to be patient and wait in the dark for them to leave your relentless over protection! But my master shows no mercy if we rush the process. We all pride ourselves on the anti-fruits and how well we can entice you and your offspring. Eventually, they would leave and since I had accomplished my work on you and your heart, it would be time for fresh meat. As your offspring entered into the world and saw all it had to offer for the first time it would drive their senses mad. Rest assured mother I would be in their ear, relentlessly enticing as I have no need for sleep. I would give them just enough push to test out everything there was to offer the flesh. And because you did such a great job dulling their senses, they will crave the sensations like an addict. I would open their ears to music other than those vile hymns. I would open their eyes to movies that stimulated the mind with images you either never told them about or condemned into making a forbidden fruit so that they would want to gorge themselves on it all in the privacy of their own dwelling. I would show them the pleasures of the flesh by widening their horizons into clubs with dancing and bars with dancing. I have many allies there that would help me take them along with others into sexual immorality. Turning, always turning, from your suffocating confinement to experiences that satisfied. Only you, the Shepard and I would know that these worldly satisfactions were imitations, mirages, forgeries always quickly fading. As you and the Shepard tried to turn them back I would continue to give them little bits of gratification as I twisted their hearts into stone. But I would not be done. No, no, I never like to leave my conquest alone for long in case the Shepard were to break through. So back I would come... to you. I would add to your diseased heart new feelings. I would begin slow in whispers and then grow louder and louder into your ear. I would be so truthful with you. I would have you reminiscing about the past and I would shield your eyes from any good things He gave you in those days and let you focus on the bad. I would remind you how terrible of a mother you were. How you failed and that is why your child now belonged to us. I would even open your eyes to the fact those friends that you judged, now had offspring... ugh ...that followed the Shepard passionately. I would show you the fruits of the Shepard shining bright from them! Haha! To see you crumble under guilt, shame, rejection, failures and despair. You would now see how, yes, those friends offspring did "taste" some of the world as they grew. But, they were there to guide them back and to explain to them that the world was only offering temporary pleasure. How I hate them! You would learn that these friends you put below you, in gradual doses, exposed their offspring to truths of the world. You would learn many, many, many of these you believed to be my masters work were in all reality, from the Shepard who was the Creator of them, we simply slinked our way in to corrupt those parts of creation. Then I would leave you, old and on your death bed, riddled with anger for the Shepard not warning you of what your bubble was really doing. Poor mother, He did, He really did. But you chose to blind your eyes to His creation and His teachings. How many in His Word failed (Adam, Noah, Abraham, David, Peter, Paul) and yet Him Who Must Not Be Named rose them up into greatness for His glory? Over and over and over again, it was right in front of you! But the spirits of self-righteousness, judgement, fear, pride, comparison, bitterness kept you from seeing it... So now I have you and your offspring, trapped. ~ Your enemy A hard truth to swallow mothers... but grace Hang with me mothers. I know how hard that read was for you, I know because I have been there. A week ago I posted a book review, "MamaBear Apologetics" on this site. This book showed me that this was the enemies plan for my children and me. I had had my children in a bubble. However, before I get into that, let me share with you why I needed to write today's blog. It happened earlier this week. I am on a FaceBook page for Christian parents who work together to give reviews of books that are "safe" for their children to read. The page is a wonderful page! There is immense diversity on this page (the good kind). Some mothers are looking for books with no agendas, others with no magic, others with no fantasy; still others that are okay with fantasy but do not want an agenda, some who want fantasy but no magic. The diversity is astounding, but all of them align with the basis of no agenda. These mothers are honest and loving. I have yet to see a nasty comment on this page! What a breath of fresh air. Yet, my heart broke this week when I read one mother's post. She was looking for books for her preteen to read but she went into great detail on what she did not want. This mother said they did no music other than hymns, they did not dance, I do not remember if they did movies but if they did it was the same ... conviction. They stayed away from all fantasy period. I could tell from the comments that mothers were empathizing with her and cared, but little could give recommendations with such boundaries. Even I struggled, I was going to suggest Narnia but that was fantasy. This family has been on my heart since then. As mothers we have got to test these spirits. As mothers we have to not live in fear. As mothers we have to stay away from the comparison/judgement/self-rightous game. We do this by following Jesus' command to be in the world but not of it. Too many are not obeying this command and hide behind the wall of legalism. Oh, and like many other saying, this is not a Bible verse but it is taken from verses with deductive reasoning applied. Now, before you get offended, please hear me out until the end. Bet you did not know that, did you... So, now that you know the truth, but by all means, do not take my word for it but instead be a Berean and look it up for yourself. So, how did this phrase come about? Well it came about from a command that was suppose to go with human intellect to do deductive reasoning. Before I give you the command let me show love to the mothers who are reading because I asked them to, but probably want to chew my head off. I do know where you are coming from and I know exactly where you are getting your command. You are indeed getting it from God's Word. 1 John 2:15 states "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Am I right? Please rest assured I had my children in their "bubble" as I wrote in the book review of "MamaBear Apologetics". However, I saw what the Spirit was saying through the ladies who wrote it. But know, not one of us are perfect. We are all fallible, especially when it comes to parenting. So we must all find humility and keep a teachable spirit in us. Back to the command. Usually, in God will confirm things in three's. It simply means, if He really wants to get your attention about something, look for Him to repeat it. In all four gospel books of the Bible, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, Jesus gave the same command. Generally speaking, Matthew 28:19-20, Mark 16:15, Luke 14:23 and John 17:14-16 say the same thing, Go therefore into all the world and make disciples. How can you OR your children honor and obey this command if you shut yourself off from the world? 1. Being in the world Making disciples of the world CAN NOT happen if we close ourselves and our children out from the world. The two can not be reconciled. It is humbling for me to admit this as I am a homeschool mom as you know. But, to you mothers with children in public schools (and even private schools), honor and blessings to you. If you have prayed about homeschooling and tested the spirits about it and had the conviction NOT to homeschool, wow! God has amazing plans for your children! They have been found worthy in the Lord's eyes to be sent in behind enemy lines to be the light in the dark. I tear up just thinking about it! In a sense I know this must make your life harder as things you may not be ready to discuss with your children come up. But they are the example of being in the world making disciples. They are NOT of the world as they are not relishing in the sensations of the world (and if they are I know you are praying for them and guiding them with Jesus at your back and He will not let them get away) Rest assured, "If you remain in Me and My Words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." John 15:7 So how do we as mothers apply this to today? What does it mean? It means that raising a child is an organic and ever changing process. Just as their physical bodies grow, change and adapt. You MUST allow their spiritual and emotional bodies do the same. After all, it was not the enemy that created music, that was Jesus (even the angels are in heaven singing right now and their original songs far predate hymns and yet I am sure they can also get behind many of the modern songs too, that glorify God). It was not the enemy that created fantasy and imagination, it was Jesus (we take for granted the creation itself, animals, plants, inventions, innovation, rising the dead, miracles, etc). It was not the enemy that created dancing, it was Jesus (you can find over 69 verses regarding dancing, but, Let them praise His name in the DANCE :let them sing praises unto Him with timbrel and harp. Psalm 149:3 as proof). As you raise your child, yes, there should be boundaries. Especially at the beginning! No baby should be showing up to a dance party! However, as your child grows start opening the door of the Lord's creation to them while you are around to guide and influence them. If they are interested in a country or rock song, do not shut them down cold turkey. Look at the lyrics and together decide if it is appropriate. If they want to see a movie with possibly a "hidden" agenda, go with them and then afterwards discuss the movie. Were there Biblical truths? Where did they see the enemies or false hoods or half truths? If they want to go to a dance, ask about the environment? Will there be chaperones, do you know who they are, what kind of music? Can you trust your child? All of this should be done by the conviction of the Holy Spirit. My 13 year old daughter is extremely discerning and can pull out truths vs. half truths in movies very well, for example. However, my boys who are 10 and 11 are YEARS away from being able to see things that require such discernment. But I do not close the door, I keep it open only enough for where they are at. I pray this is making sense mother. 2. Of the world... When Jesus said to make disciples of all the world He meant we needed to get our hands dirty. It would be ugly, dangerous, hard and even at times deadly. Yet, He still gave us the command, trusting us to not stop with "me" but to teach and instruct our children while He gave us the power to do so. In a research study done by Lifeway Research (The Next Generation Is Leaving the Faith Earlier Than You Realize - Lifeway Research ), they concluded that, "most nonreligious children are born into religious households and lose their faith while under the supervision of parents who believe that they are successfully transmitting their religious values." with a staggering percentage of 66% of 16 year olds leaving the Protestant Church! Mothers, there has to be a happy balance between letting our children run wild before they have the wisdom of the Lord and keeping them so close and confined that despite hearing the wisdom of the Lord they have no practice in telling the world "No!" when it tries to snare them. It does not mean they will not make mistakes. They will, it simply means you will be there to correct and guide them with the smaller mistakes so that hopefully, 1. they will not repeat those mistakes or make bigger mistakes, 2. if they do make a mistake once out of the house, they will come to you for wise counsel despite their age because you were there guiding in the beginning. There will be things our children should never be taught to "be in", but we must explain why using biblical discernment not just the "because God says not to" response. We must let them enjoy God's creation. Jesus commanded us to hate "people" (our family) in order to love Him. The original Greek did not mean hate as we in this culture believe. It meant to "love less". Therefore, when 1 John 2:15 states the word "love" it means to love the Lord MORE than the things in His creation. And yes, the enemy has great tactics for corrupting the creation but we must then stop the corruption from growing with light, and none of us can do that with our light hidden under a basket. You fool of a worm! I sent you to tear the mother and child apart from each other as well as the Shepard! I sent you to make the cage of the offspring like a gentle bubble! You were doing so well and yet you have failed! You let your guard down with the mother. The Shepard has healed her heart, because despite your constant yells in her ears the Shepard's whisper got to her! She began praying, therefore He began fighting for her offspring through the disgusting aroma of her prayers! Filth! Then to make matters worse it has spread! Now her offspring's heart is beginning to soften, they are listening to her and to Him! You imbecile, you worthless scum, you have lost them to the Shepard. The damage He has caused is so great that little can be done to correct course. Make no mistake that I will tell the master of your failure and he will make it so you never underestimate the power of the Spirit's fruit and His power! ~ Higher powered enemy I hope this has encouraged you mothers and has given you hope if you find yourself under the attack of the enemy in this area. Know I love you all greatly, as does the King and He will never stop fighting for you and your children. God bless until next time, unless Jesus returns first! Maranatha! The election is over, this is a once in a lifetime chance we have as believers Good morning sisters (and brothers)! A new chapter in America and the world has been decided. So now what? What are we suppose to do? How are we suppose to respond to the divided country we have? And make no mistake it is not a two split divide but multiple divides. As believers I can feel the Holy Spirit growing stronger in myself, but maybe not the way you think. We now have a huge responsibility ahead of us and it will need to be done differently then ever before. What do I mean? Well, for that I am going to let the Bible speak to it. This is huge and we can't afford to let the enemy within or the enemy of this world derail us so close to His coming. Step 1: Submit to AuthoritySubmit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human authority... For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God's slaves." 1 Peter 2:13,15-16 NIV There it is right there. Regardless of who won the presidency, who will win the senate and so on, God's command is to submit to that authority. I believe as believers we can now do this because we have been humbled the past four years. You may say "I did not submit", really? Did you obey the laws set in place these past four years? Well we didn't have a revolution so whether you chose to or not the Spirit in you was obeyed. Now we must do it again, with the Spirit living in us we can all obey this command. I hate skipping verses as I did above. I strongly urge you to read ALL of 1 Peter 2 because it is so good and revealing to what God expects of believers when it comes to ALL the authorities over us. Okay, that was the first potential hard pill to swallow. However, I love you all too much to not tell you the Truth of God's word.  Step 2: The responseBrothers (and sisters), if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of meekness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:1-2 ESV The application for this scripture has become so distorted. So many believers do the opposite of meekness, in turn we further hurt the people we were called to help (note the scripture said ANYONE, not just a believer). The definition of meekness (or gentleness) is controlled strength sisters! This process is to be so delicate that we risk falling into the temptation of agreeing with where a person stands OR the other outcome when not handled correctly is we harden our hearts by our words, we lose our meekness and lash out in self-righteous anger, pride, boastfulness, etc. We are called to love all people by action, show humility towards them as we call out the sin. In doing so we are so vulnerable and empathetic with them as they allow God to work in them. Our nation is now divided, not just the red and blue, but believers against believers, us and the lost. The enemy did an amazing job of not only doing this in our country but also within God's own church. The infighting HAS TO STOP! Whether you want to allow the Spirit to show you or not Harris was once an innocent baby that the world and flesh had not yet corrupted (not talking about original sin). She was that baby that you should have voted to not allow harm to come to in the womb. Yes, as believers we are to protect the unborn from all evil threats, I share my testimonies in other blogs on this topic. All of "them" were once sweet, playful, happy little babies and toddlers and children until sin crushed them. So I am begging you, when you see anyone for Harris acting sinfully, remember this. Love them so tenderly and empathize with them so compassionately that seeds are planted for God to use. If you see pride and boosting for Trump call them out on it! God has given us the opportunity, the Church the opportunity, to unite this country for what Jesus stood for. However, we can't do it if we are attacking ourselves from within. If you know believers that voted differently than you, love on them. Half this country is hurting badly this morning, empathize with them. Feel what they are feeling and use your meekness to comfort them. You can not look at this picture below and think evil. We were all like this at one point. Fight to remember this when you go out and love and comfort those who are hurting. And EXPECT them to lash out because hurt people hurt people. Stay with them, don't abandon them in your hurt or lash out back at them.  Step 3: The HOW..., but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God." James 3:8-9 ESV I love our first amendment to free speech. I do and I will stand with it until I die. That being said, sisters we have utterly failed to see God does NOT give us a first amendment. In God's word we are told there are thing we CAN NOT SAY. Knowing this is the key to being able to respond the way Jesus always did. Sadly I saw a great deal of this very thing with this election. Some believers literally were fighting fire with fire and it went against the very One they were fighting for! However, I also saw other believers let the Spirit speak and their words flowed with the wisdom of the Spirit. One church in particular took on the election in prayer and NOT the way you would think. They wrote letters of prayers to the FUTURE president and mailed them to the White House BEFORE the election yesterday. These prayers were unbiased and overflowing with love and wisdom from God. I loved it so much I did the same thing. Sadly that was the way ALL believers should have responded to this election. And please note, I am not perfect, I clung to 1 Peter 2 these past several weeks to keep me in check, but I am only human and have sinned in this election as well. But now, but now, we have a chance to make the Church a uniting front for America. A place for the hurt to come and just be loved on. As Job's friends were at their most comforting time... silent; we the believers need to practice this. People don't need to hear us speak but to feel us love them and cry with them in their pain and remind them who is truly in control. We must be gentle as doves but wise as serpents. We have had four years of judgement on us but in that time the revivals (that were not in the news) kept going ever since The Jesus Revolution came out. I truly believe God has shown grace and mercy to this country with who he put in office but the believers must NOT become complacent again. This was a battle and only a battle against the spirit of the enemy and he won't stop. We will have to continue to fight back with the instructions God gave us, the war is won, but the battle count is on going.  Final Thoughts... In the end my beloved sisters, the president is nothing more than a sub-governor. No matter who holds that seat Jesus is still the King over them and us. They will all be held accountable for the work they did holding that office. Until His return we are to advocate for Him as ambassadors. We do this by submitting to the authority He placed over us, we love the hurt and correct tenderly the sinful, and WE HOLD OUR TONGUES and unite through our works. I always tell my kids before they speak as themselves: Is it kind, is it true and is it necessary? If it does't fit those three boxes don't say it. Instead share your testimonies to those going through fires you have walked, pray with them, or just be silent but present. The Spirit has been sent to us to do greater works than Jesus did, so let's honor Him by doing just that! God bless, love you all!  Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6) This verse is one most mothers know. The comfort it brings to us as we navigate raising our children is a peace only He can offer us. An assurance of sorts, though not a promise, it's a principle. God tells us that as mothers, when we raise our children in the way they should go usually they will know Jesus as their LORD and Savior in the end. I have clinged this this scripture verse for years in times of hardship with my three children. How often have I heard one of them do or say something opposite to God's word and the enemy jumps in my mind. He whispers in my fear, "They won't make it. They will reject Him. Just listen to what they said. You should panic.". Have you been their mother? Times like these I cling for dear life to this verse praying in hope it comes to pass. But what happens when we, as mothers, start getting other things told to us? Things that are not so easily shaken off or brushed off? As a mother of three children all within three years it can be easy to fantasize about doing other things than being a mom. Don't get me wrong I LOVE being a mother. I was called to this purpose, there is no doubt. However, that doesn't mean I don't have other dreams and wants. I do, and I know you do too. But if I am being honest, I have dreams of grabbing coffee with friends on a weekly basis, going shopping... daily (?), lol, my husband would not like that! How about laying out at the pool or beach doing absolutely whatever I choose? Those are good ones, right? What about when friends and mentors urge you to join their Bible study or fellowship group? That's really good, right? How can it not be, it puts God first, right?... Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. (Psalm 127:3-4) I think we may have gotten it wrong God tells us that our children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. Do you know what it takes to make a good arrow? Building Wood ARROWS - Start to FinishYouTube · Clay Hayes13 minutes, 34 secondsOct 15, 2022 Here is a link if you want to watch the slow, painstaking, delicate process. It is not as simple as picking up a stick and putting a notch in it and attaching a head and feather. The hardness of the wood counts, the smoothness, the straightness. Have you seen anyone hit a bullseye with a warped arrow, butchered feathers or a dull arrow head? Not likely. Well if our children are arrows then we should be raising them in the same manor. We should be living life with them. Here is what I mean. I recently was taking time out of my schedule to do a precept class as well as a disciple class. I was told this would be putting God first. The problem was, both of these groups didn't just require a block of time weekly to meet, they also required daily work that went with it. And the work was awesome! Growing closer to God and His word are always good things. However, that doesn't mean I was putting God first. In these commitments I found more and more of my time being used for study (or lack there of as time went by due to stresses of an overfilled schedule. Stress paralyzed if you will.). I was spending less and less of my time doing life with my children, pushing them out of my life. My balance of putting God first was tipping in a dangerous direction. Today I realized this as I was having my quiet time with the LORD. I realized that God knows I want badly to study His word and make disciples. But He also put on me that I was forcing this to take place outside of His timing. I saw from looking to my past that I was forcing my children out of my daily life. In a flash I saw those toddler years flash by as I stupidly enrolled my youngest into homeschooling at age FOUR! How I had rushed getting him into schooling and wasted the last couple years to let him just be a kid with no responsibilities. There is lots more, but I'm not going to go there today. At that moment I was in jeopardy of repeating myself and having regret and guilt. So, what did I do? I listened and obeyed God. I was not about to continue to force my children out of my life with so little time left with them. (Even as I write this I am outside with them as they use every food container I have to make terrariums for... baby lizards, female lizards, a giant male lizard, a grasshopper, tons of frogs and a cricket!) Immediately I felt His peace come back over me after praying for confirmation. So why?The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. (Proverbs 29:15) Pay close attention to the second part of this verse. "...but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. If we as mothers are off doing our own thing, even Godly things and not discipling our children we are at risk of not being trustworthy with what God has gifted us with. This is in no way to shame any mothers. I just want to open your eyes to what it means to live a God first life as we raise our children. By doing life WITH them we are in turn putting God first by being good stewards with what He has entrusted us with. So that leave us with the question, well what about these other things we want to do, even Godly things? Wait. I can not stress this enough, WAIT. Because here is the thing. When our children decide THEY no longer need to do life with us daily we will mourn. Or at least I know I will. Just as I mourn over the absence of small pitter patters of unsure feet and words that barely qualify as words, I will mourn when they no longer have the need to do life with me. Gone will be the days of evening walks together, drives to the ball field together, making dinners together, reading books snuggled up on a couch together, schooling together, family fun nights together and so much more. I will be in mourning. It will be a bittersweet accomplishment to loose my arrows out into the world. I will be happy but it will be quiet. In their daily absence I will need the fellowship and studies of God's word to help me keep going. The day will come, I just need to be patient. I just don't want to push God's timeline and look back on that day and think, "Why did I rush them out of my daily life?". Something to ponder So ponder this mothers. Times are changing. The bond between a parent and child is breaking. Did you know the website r/regretfulparentsReddit · r/regretfulparents139K+ followers? This site allows you to "hate" on your child(ren), it is very hard to read some of the things said. God made us to disciple our children so when they are older they can do the same. Somewhere along the way we have lost this message. Could it be we have too many voices telling us how to parent and how to put God first that the noise has made us over stimulated and deaf to the Truth? I think so. If you have anytime in your busy schedules and enjoy to read or listen to an audiobook I can not recommend the book Until the Streetlights Come On: How a Return to Play ...Amazon.comhttps://www.amazon.com › Until-Streetlights-Come-Bri... This book, using data collected over the years, will help you regain the simplicity of living life with your children. I can not recommend it enough. It gave me back God's perspective of how simple life should be in putting God first while we raise our children. The day will come when precept studies and disciple groups and fellowship are ready to be had, but I urge you to wait. Wait until God's timing comes. All in good time, it will come. The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) This has been quite the month for revelations. Many things have happened to strengthen my faith as well as call out my short comings in that very same faith. As mothers, we are bombarded with information. How to raise our children, how to have a happy home, how to keep ourselves joyful, and the list goes on and on. And if that isn't enough we are then pummeled with the "you need to" lists. You need to make time for you. You need to be more involved with your children. You need to be more engaging with your husband, and again, the list goes on and on. I could go on with the lists of "you're not good enough if" and the "this is what you need" lists. Like I said, bombarded with information that conflicts and contradicts. But what if it is so simple, such a straight path, that we simply are missing it because of all the twist and turns all the "people" have us going down? I have to think so. This month Lance and I had the wonderful (yet, as it would turn out, extremely difficult) chance to share our marriage testimony with a church down south. To be honest, for almost a year I have struggled with trusting the LORD, I have struggled in my walk with the validity of our prayers. It was a really hard season. But our God is faithful. In sharing my side of the testimony I was forced to recap step by step where we were and where we are. For whatever the reason, looking at it from a point A to point B I hadn't seen it. But when I was asked to dissect each step and relive it, that is when I saw the true faithfulness of Jesus. So often we don't dare look back to see where we came from, and even lesser do we look back at details. Why? Well it hurts of course. But is there a bigger reason for sharing our story, could it be used to keep others from stepping on the same landmines we did? And if so, how? And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death." Revelation 12:11 So what is it that so many of us are missing and how do our testimonies fit in? I believe it is a true understanding of why we are here. Why are you here momma, on this earth? Are you able to answer that? And if you have the answer, do you understand that answer and what it means? Jesus was very clear in His Word. Go, therefore, and make disciples of ALL nations. So what is a disciple really? Well, if you live a Christ first life, you are an example of what it means to be a disciple. Did you know the word Christian was originally a negative title? Yep, that's right. In the early church age those who hated Jesus called His followers "Christians" which translated to "Little Christs". In this modern, progressive, western culture, the title Christian has become little more than a hollow title. There are people all over talking the talk and not walking the walk Jesus commanded us to walk. However, if you truly know who Christ is and strive to be like Him then your hollow title of Christian morphs into disciple (or as you will sometimes hear me refer as True Believers). So what is a disciple? Simply put... a copy cat. I once was teaching a school lesson and remember teaching my kids that if someone copied them to not get angry, that it is a high form of flattery. So, to be a disciple of Jesus means we do everything we can to copy Him, not just in words, but in actions as well. Okay, okay, now you are wanting to know why I am bringing this up. The reason is simple, if you are a disciple of Christ then you have been commanded to GO AND MAKE more disciples. So often, myself included, this command is not obeyed. We don't just neglect the command in our outer relationships with people, but with our friends, with our extended family, with our own children. Why is this? Well there is a great book that can tell you that answer (Growing Up: How to Be a Disciple Who Makes Disciples by Robby Gallaty) but the short answer? People are not being taught how. So many are under the impression that in order to be a disciple one must have a degree, have a WOW testimony, have experiences, etc. LIES!!!! All lies momma. You, right now, right where you are need to be a disciple and are qualified to the task. Want proof? The Bible states that God qualifies the called, he doesn't call the qualified (2 Cor. 3:5). Jesus didn't say "And when you have a four year degree and have traveled the world, then you can be a disciple of mine." Nope, there was only one prerequisite, walk like He walked. Our ripple effect as mothers is HUGE!!! We are called to disciple the very next generation that is growing up. We are called to disciple the believers that are younger than we are in the faith. We are called to be so much more than the mom who drives all the kids to soccer, the mom that has the coolest birthday parties, the mom that shows up to all the PTA meetings. All those things are amazing, but without the discipling of our children it will mean NOTHING. Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6  We can not expect to raise children that live a Christ first life if we are not living a Christ first life ourselves. It's not that it is 100% guaranteed that they won't make it Home. It is simply 100% guaranteed that you will stand before God and have to answer Him when He asks you why it wasn't you that did the discipling. I will never forget this year when my daughter and I were grocery shopping at Walmart. We were in the produce department and she told me, "I'll be right back momma, I have to do something." She walked over to where a worker was stocking shelves. I don't know what she told him, it wasn't my heart that was pressed. All I know is God told her to go and tell that worker something special and she obeyed (She did tell me that part). She has done this a handful of times in the last couple years. I would like to think that I had something to do with it, but to be honest I don't know. Like I said, it was this month that I had these revelations of what it means to train up a child. But, perhaps she saw me obey at one time and is copying me who was copying Jesus. All I know is we have a command mommas and we are running out of time. We are told to make new little disciples that will then go and make their own. It's a never ending, never stopping endeavor. If all believers would obey this command the entire world would be reached so much faster then simply relying on a church Sunday for one hour. So today choose who God wants you to invest in (your children are top priority if they are still living with you under your stewardship). Start ministering to them by letting them watch you be the hands and feet of the Spirit. Then begin allowing them to assist you (there is a reason trade schools are so great). Afterwards allow them to lead in the ministering to others while you are there in case they need assistance. Finally sit back and observe them take flight like an arrow being loosed towards a target. We are missing the purpose of why we are here. We are allowing the busyness of good things to over shadow what should be the best thing. When we are faithful to obey, God is faithful in His promises to us. So today I am asking you to keep it simple. Walk the straight and narrow of making disciples of your children and others God leads into your life. Share your testimony when pressed by Him to help others overcome what you did. Set the example in not only words but actions as well. He will then be faithful to remove all the noise of information chatter overload. In turn your life, home, children and husband will live in Shalom. The peace that only Christ can give. God bless until next month. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17 It used to be so fun. I used to have so much joy. I would be eager to awake to the sounds of laughter coming from their beds. But things have changed. Life has worn me thin. I can feel the inevitable outcome ... I am failing. There used to be so much hope, there used to be so much patience. But now I find myself falling before the days even begin. I look to You for help, for strength, yet none is coming at the pace I want. I yell and scream because I'm empty of everything else. I know I am not perfect and that should be okay. But how do you explain that to little ones who think you should be? This is so hard! I am up against a wall. No answers have been given. Even now I feel that I am just rambling. My energy has turned to a breeze, it takes on whatever emotion I happen to blow towards. I hate it! I hear you tell me to be patient, this is the process in which I must go through. My heart yells in protest to the truth. This is so hard. So I wait. As patiently as I can. Each day, each hour, each minute is a new chance to try again. It will always be hard, but then again most things that are worth it are. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 ~ I can't be sure when I wrote this, it's been years. But I am at a point in which God has moved me out of that season. Yes, you heard that right fellow mother. You will get through this time. I will not lie to you, it was hard. Having 3 children 3 and under was a lot like biting off more than I could chew. Yet, here I am today with three amazing and beautiful children. Thank you Lord that I didn't cause them too much damage in the beginning! After all there was the one time Briseis fell off the bed and landed on her head! Or the time or maybe it was times, I wasn't paying 100% attention to Rejko in the pool and he went under for just a second. But it felt like I was the worst mom ever even if it was for only a second. Yes, in those sleep deprived and exhausted days God saw me through to the other side. He gave me the strength to get up each morning and keep on trucking. Now, I don't know where you are with your journey of motherhood. Maybe you are just beginning and you can't remember the last full night of sleep you had. And that might not even be because the baby isn't sleeping it could be the millions of questions and concerns you have for them that keeps you up. Or perhaps you have toddlers that have figured out that there are boundaries and that they are tons of fun to push. So your normal routine days are now disturbed with toilets overflowing and food in places you never had to clean before. It could very well be that you are in the early school years. Whether you send them off to school or school them in your home the concerns are the same. What if they never read, what if they don't make friends, what if they always write that sloppy (I mean, is that even letters or just a funky doodle). Coming out of those hectic seasons and getting to taste the familiar aroma of routine and quiet is something I have prayed for for years now. As my children grew, the pace of life sped up to unprecedented speeds. I hated it! Yep, down right hated it! As the speed begins to slow because now my nights are no longer disturbed (well, there is that occasional nightmare still and I am right there for them), and boundaries are not pushed as often, and they can read, have friends, and can write; I find myself looking back. There is no denying the trials, sorrows and LOTS of grey hairs I acquired that I don't wish to repeat. However, there is heartache looking back at old photos and missing those baby cheeks that have since been replaced with sharp cheek bones. Funky little words and phrases that weren't quite annunciated right that are now articulated so clearly. Snuggles that have been replaced with "good night" instead. And the hardest one for me, going from mommy to simply mom no matter how hard I try to cling to it. So mother beware of praying your way out of the season God has you in with your family. For all moments are precious. As I look ahead and begin walking, I will begin following in the footsteps of mothers with high schoolers, college students, married children. Some of you reading this are already there. If you could respond you would warn me to continue to just be present where I am at, to enjoy each moment no matter how painful. I would reply that I hear you and I will. Each season with our children will have its ups and its great downs. But from one mother to another I compel you to not pray it away but instead pray through it. Take it all in. The good, the bad, the dirty. The cries in the night that worry you because they can't talk yet because it goes hand in hand with the intimacy of them laying on your chest. Or the accidents in the bathroom because they struggle to understand why water has to stay in the tub because it goes hand in had with cuddles as you read them a book. The fears that go with having to navigate a learning disability that seems like a unclimbable mountain because it go hand in hand with one on one time to let them know how special they are to you. It's all worth it, every second is worth it. I promise you, IT IS HARD, but it is all PRICELESS.  It has been several years at this point. The season of life that had me so busy I could no longer blog and be a good mom is over (I hope :\). Since that time I have been in a state of total writer's block. No excerpts, no books, no poems, no vision what so ever. I had become discouraged and stale longing for new inspiration to hit me! Finally, I actually went to God and asked Him why no more inspiration? Was I too prideful in what I had already posted? Was I simply all used up and put on God's shelf? Had He just wanted me to post what was already posted and that was it? Discouragement at times would even morph into anger and confusion. Once I finished my last pity party I was quiet enough to hear Him. And then it was like BOOM!!!! Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. Luke 16:10 The answer was right in front of me, with my OWN SELFISH ACTIONS! Yikes!!!! I had gotten it into my head that the other excerpts (and they are many, many, many) that God had given me were not as good as what lay in my future ones. I had the notion that what God would reveal to me next would certainly be better than ones I had already written. You know, because I totally knew what my followers needed to be reading more than God. Oh and those other people who would just happen upon my blogs by chance? Well, I guess I allowed myself to become unaligned to God's will and they weren't even on my radar. I became so focused on my blogs not spreading on my timeline that I debated letting the site shut down. But the Holy Spirit would never let me hit that "cancel subscription" button. Why? It was simple. God had given me inspiration to help mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, women. The inspiration of each except was to help a fellow sister that I would never meet most likely this side of heaven. But I became self centered, simply because I thought some of these other works weren't as good as ones that had been published. Wow! I am ashamed of myself. So it boiled down to, I showed God that I could not be trusted with the little He had given me and therefore, I could not be trusted with more. In realizing this I had to eat a nice, cold slice of humble pie. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:10 ~ The best way to be humble is to admit when you are wrong, "Father, forgive me for taking a gift you gave me and not utilizing it because I was being selfish and wanted more". Next is to repent, that is to turn in the opposite direction. That is my plan from here on out. This mommy blogger is back, no matter how big or small, no matter if I have thousands of followers or just you. You, worn out mother, reading this post as you are trying to cling to every lifeline you can find, trusting God to give you the strength you need. Maybe I have posted something that has you coming back. Maybe your comfort from God will be published in one of my upcoming excepts. God could not bless my writing because I didn't complete what He had already given me. I was asking for desert before finishing my dinner. As a mother I see this in my life in too many areas. Yep, that's right, I don't have it all together. Not by a long shot! But my prayer is that He will continue to use me to be a blessing to you, and in turn I may be found trustworthy in His eyes. To conclude and to open this relaunch with proof of a mom just like you, I will share my first "Forgotten Except" today with you. Enjoy and God bless. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalm 32:8 ~ What You See You tell me what you see as we catch up at a play date. You tell me you see a mom who has it all together. You tell me how I'm a super mom because of all the extras I am doing. What you see goes on, and like a good friend I accept your compliments with sincerity mixed in with some disbelief that you can't see my cracks and breaks. Dear friend, if only you saw all the editing I do on my "highlight reel". There is so much that you do not see that I have deleted out. You don't see that most days this year I cried more than I ever smiled. You don't see the feeling of failure when I discipline one of my children that didn't really deserve it. You don't see the arguments I have with my husband because I can't acknowledge that I was wrong. You don't see my face every morning when I wake up and even I jump at the reflection looking back! And you don't see that almost every second of every day I am never happy... with me. Highlight reels are awesome for inspiration and to help us do better. They help motivate us to be more. So, let me tell you what I see when I look at your highlight reel. I see a friend who captured the moments of her boys being boys in the mud with a love of life in their eyes. I see a family that travels to fun places together and have matching outfits to suit the occasion. I see silly selfies in the early morning. I see you going on dates with your husband like you were teenagers again. I see you sacrificing, because despite wanting that never ending " to do" list finished and everyone you care about happy including yourself; at the end of the day something has to give, so you act selflessly for everyone, even if it means you don't get that needed break. Most of all I see you trying your absolute hardest in this broken world to make it a better place. So do not put yourself down during times when you feel you are failing. Because, I am seeing all the highlights of your success! You may not see them, but I do. You are the reason I aspire to be more; to do better for myself, my husband, my children. My dear friend, there will come a day in heaven when all we see are the highlights of this life, and just like you and me, the Father will have edited and deleted out all the failings. And I promise you there will be more to keep then to delete. In the beginning there is lots of room. It feels open and you feel free, it's dark, but the dark is comforting. You move around in your little world with ease. As the time passes you don't really notice that the walls are closing in around you. The freedom that was there at the beginning doesn't seem as grand as it once did, but that's normal you assume. More time passes and there is no doubt that you are being restricted, choked out. You begin to seek a way out of your little world but it seems impossible. You can feel the end approaching as you twist and turn in your world, which you consider a prison now. The world you knew starts to break down and rot as you continue to push and stretch longing to be free of it. Suddenly there is a bright light in a crack of your world. This light gives you hope that there is something more beyond your world. The ugliness of your world is crippling, the stench is repulsive, the wrongness of it all is now lit up fully for you to see. Though you feel like you can't go on a second longer something inside you tells you to keep pressing on. As you feel you can't draw one more breath, your broken world crumbles around you. Before you stands a world you never could have imagined. This world is full of light and space as far as you can see, a space you will never outgrow. It is beautiful and not rotten, whole and not broken. You feel as if you have a whole new life before you... and you do. The last thing that confirms you are where you were always meant to be is a never ending figure in the distance calling to you with rolling arms beckoning you to come into its embrace. A figure that you know in your heart will be there to protect you forever. My daughter, bless her heart, she can really ask some difficult questions. Questions that make this mommy really have to chose her words wisely. Today she asked a toughie. Her question, "Mommy, why do our bodies have to get old and die? I don't want to die. Why did Adam and Eve have to eat from the forbidden fruit? If they hadn't our bodies wouldn't get old and we wouldn't ever die." Wow!!! We've all been there, haven't we mommies? When we have to look up at heaven and say, "How do I answer something like that when I still question it myself?". But we serve a God that wants us to know these reasons, He doesn't want us to be afraid to go to heaven, He wants us to anticipate it with great excitement. So, what does any good mother do when caught between a rock and hard spot, whether it be a question or even life in general? We pray and we wait to be answered. Luckily, the Spirit didn't see a reason to stretch my patience on this one. LOL. A friend recently told me that she read somewhere, "We are not earthly beings with a spirit inside, but spiritual beings with a earthly body". This quote speaks volumes, but how to phrase it so an eight year old would not only understand, but be comforted? By using an analogy to something she could relate to. So, we began to discuss in detail what our earthly bodies are really like. I began by asking her a simple question back to her. What is more important to God, a baby turtle in its egg or the egg itself? She responded as most would, "The baby turtle in the egg." I explained to her that our bodies on earth are like the egg and our souls are like the baby turtle. When the egg is first laid it is firm and strong but as weeks go by it starts to soften and wrinkle; all the while the baby turtle becomes more and more aware of it's shrinking home. Before long it is fighting with all its will to break out of its home. Something is calling it, a force so powerful the baby sea turtle will risk death just to get to what is calling it. Finally the baby turtle breaks free and gives its last burst of strength to getting to the one that calls it... the sea. I could see the wheels turning in my daughter's mind, so I continued. I explained to her that our bodies are the egg and over time our soul begins to outgrow it, just as the turtle did. Our souls hear a Voice calling us that is so inviting that we begin fighting with all our soul to break free of the prison of our body. Our bodies are a temporary home for our souls. But my daughter loves to go deeper. She then asks one of the toughest questions in the world. "Why do children have to die then?". In June my best friend lost her two year old daughter in an accident. My daughter was as devastated as I was. All she could think about was her friend running up to her and her helping her to do things. So again, I prayed for a wise answer for her. I asked if she remembered when her Gam would help the baby sea turtles reach the ocean. We had gone with her a handful of times. They would uncover the nest to see if any were left. In the early season every now and then a single shell or two would have hatched before the others. I explained to her that some souls are very strong and God knows that. Some souls are so strong they don't have to wait for their bodies to grow old before they are able to break free and go to heaven. As a mother I don't wish this on any parent ever. But my friend who lost her daughter is even wiser then I am. She told me that she knows her daughter is in heaven and it will only be a split second to her before they are all reunited. She explained to me that as much as it hurts to be separated from her, she wont ask God to bring her back because the place she is in now is so much better. I can not fathom how my friend can not only be so strong during this time but also so wise. She knows her "little turtle" was stronger than most. These are hard truths to try to even grasp as a mother. And if you are a mother that has lost your little one as well, my heart aches for you. It is not the loss of your child but the pain that you are feeling that brings me to my knees in prayers for you.
Our loss is great, but God is greater..." - Greater Matthew 18:14 - Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven. Dedicated to Jocelyn, a pure soul in a broken world, you will be forever missed until we join you in heaven. Isaiah 34:8
Hebrews 12:11 No DISCIPLINE seems pleasant at the time, but PAINFUL. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of RIGHTEOUSNESS and PEACE (Shalom) for those who have been trained by it. " Now onto the encouraging point of this post. If God is loving then why is He allowing this to happen? Well that answer, I believe, comes down to upholding Zion's cause. God has a plan, we know this from Revelation, but to get to Revelation we have to still be here! Below is how He is making sure the world makes it to the second coming of Christ. The Value of Human Life Restored Up until this virus began to sweep across the world, mankind had lost all value of human life. Not only were the unborn being slaughtered and is to this day the largest genocide in human history, but the lines were already beginning to stretch. The elderly and mentally struggling were next on the list to "humanely euthanizing" (sometimes, not even humanely). There were reports starting to spread about the sick and elderly being starved to death. https://www.pri.org/stories/2019-03-04/abortions-rise-worldwide-when-us-cuts-funding-women-s-health-clinics-study-finds https://www.dailywire.com/news/netherlands-elderly-woman-forcibly-euthanized-paul-bois https://www.conservativereview.com/news/murder-disguise-disabled-frenchman-dies-9-days-court-ordered-forced-starvation/ As mothers the value of life is our primal weapon. We would do anything to protect our children, even die for them. But as years have seen, the opposite has been reality. I was one of them, with my daughter Adara May, for the full story see https://www.halfwaytosundaymom.com/blog/losing-control and https://www.halfwaytosundaymom.com/blog/raising-lazarus-healing-after-abortion . God is desperate for us to value each life as He does. I believe after this epidemic the value of human life will have restored significantly. After losing so many, unexpectedly, we will once again cherish the ones who are here and yet to come. As mothers this should be so encouraging as we raise the next generations of youth. Proverbs 24:11-12 Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter. If you say, "Behold, we did not know this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work? " World Wide Hunger Will Decrease
Luke 3:10-11 And the crowds asked him, "What then shall we do?" And he answered them, "Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise. " The Environment Will Rebound This is so very exciting! The world is already seeing results of the environment resetting itself. Reports are coming in, with the waterways being used less, gas emissions way down and cars off the road, people outside walking and not inside, buildings and housing production ceasing, etc. The earth is healing. It wont be perfect, we know from the Bible that wont happen until the second appearing. But some of what we lost from exploitation will come back. https://www.classicfm.com/music-news/coronavirus/venice-canals-clear-dolphins-swim-italy-lockdown/ https://www.foxnews.com/science/ozone-layer-healing-growing-evidence-montreal-protocol. https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-51944780 This has the potential for being worldwide changing! A second chance to do things a little better then before. And who knows, if this virus does linger for a year, what other environmental positives will happen?! As mothers this will be a lesson worth teaching our children about how to take care of the temporary home God has given us charge over. Being good stewards and trustworthy with what we have. 1 Corinthians 4:2 Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy. " Revival of Humanities Health
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple. " The Not So Obvious Positives There are other outlooks that you wont find in a news article, but as Christians we can have hope and faith in seeing as these days continue. Families will have grown closer together. Certainly, if you allow the devil in your home, you could very well end up feeling like crap. But if you seek Shalom as a FAMILY, praying together, worshiping together, reading the word together, I PROMISE you; your relationships will deepen and strengthen. While we are on the subject of relationships, I believe forgiveness will be on an all time high. Not knowing if someone you are not talking to could contract the disease or even has, will bring walls down. Forgiveness will be the sweet water over pouring into the world. This killer will unite the world on all fronts. I believe enemies will be shown love and forgiveness, just as Jesus commanded. Estranged relationships will be restored. People will now have a new value of appreciation for what the have. Greed and gluttony will decrease, good stewardship will return. People will take care of what they have and "stuff" wont seems as important anymore. And if I dare say it, I believe, God will be restored in our schools again. Not as a pushing blow torch but as a gentle flame. The pledge which mentions His name restored, Bibles allowed back in schools without fear, love and grace taught above all else, speaking of God out loud and not in secret. A beautiful thought. Ultimately, I believe that this virus will call thousands to Him. They will come, seeking Shalom that only His Spirit can offer. People will want to know there is a reason for this hurt, not just some random chaos in the universe. For the glory of God is always the goal to seek in anything that happens. Good or bad, that is why He offers us His shalom; so that even in the dark He can carry us through it.
Joshua 24:15 But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. " This has been a long post, and I thank you mothers for sticking with me through the end. This is just the vision I am getting, going off of what I am seeing and what the Word says. But I do know for sure, during this time we must cling to Hebrews 12:11. Know that you will get through this, God will not let this last forever. Be comforted in knowing that as hard as this may seem, God appointed YOU mothers, right here and right now, for this exact test on earth. Know that there is still an end time for earth, and continue to pray and seek Him afterwards when things turn good. When the world is on the mountain top again, continue to pray and seek His knowledge. And when this is over, this test will become your testimony. This mess will become THE message for those to come. This is God's world, He was, is and always will be the one in control; even when we try to tell Him otherwise, He is still the pot maker and we are forever still the clay. Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. " |
