This verse is one most mothers know. The comfort it brings to us as we navigate raising our children is a peace only He can offer us. An assurance of sorts, though not a promise, it's a principle. God tells us that as mothers, when we raise our children in the way they should go usually they will know Jesus as their LORD and Savior in the end. I have clinged this this scripture verse for years in times of hardship with my three children. How often have I heard one of them do or say something opposite to God's word and the enemy jumps in my mind. He whispers in my fear, "They won't make it. They will reject Him. Just listen to what they said. You should panic.". Have you been their mother? Times like these I cling for dear life to this verse praying in hope it comes to pass.
     But what happens when we, as mothers, start getting other things told to us? Things that are not so easily shaken off or brushed off? As a mother of three children all within three years it can be easy to fantasize about doing other things than being a mom. Don't get me wrong I LOVE being a mother. I was called to this purpose, there is no doubt. However, that doesn't mean I don't have other dreams and wants. I do, and I know you do too. But if I am being honest, I have dreams of grabbing coffee with friends on a weekly basis, going shopping... daily (?), lol, my husband would not like that! How about laying out at the pool or beach doing absolutely whatever I choose? Those are good ones, right? What about when friends and mentors urge you to join their Bible study or fellowship group? That's really good, right? How can it not be, it puts God first, right?...

     God tells us that our children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. Do you know what it takes to make a good arrow? Building Wood ARROWS - Start to FinishYouTube · Clay Hayes13 minutes, 34 secondsOct 15, 2022 Here is a link if you want to watch the slow, painstaking, delicate process. It is not as simple as picking up a stick and putting a notch in it and attaching a head and feather. The hardness of the wood counts, the smoothness, the straightness. Have you seen anyone hit a bullseye with a warped arrow, butchered feathers or a dull arrow head? Not likely. 
     Well if our children are arrows then we should be raising them in the same manor. We should be living life with them. Here is what I mean. I recently was taking time out of my schedule to do a precept class as well as a disciple class. I was told this would be putting God first. The problem was, both of these groups didn't just require a block of time weekly to meet, they also required daily work that went with it. And the work was awesome! Growing closer to God and His word are always good things. However, that doesn't mean I was putting God first. In these commitments I found more and more of my time being used for study (or lack there of as time went by due to stresses of an overfilled schedule. Stress paralyzed if you will.). I was spending less and less of my time doing life with my children, pushing them out of my life. My balance of putting God first was tipping in a dangerous direction. Today I realized this as I was having my quiet time with the LORD.
     I realized that God knows I want badly to study His word and make disciples. But He also put on me that I was forcing this to take place outside of His timing. I saw from looking to my past that I was forcing my children out of my daily life. In a flash I saw those toddler years flash by as I stupidly enrolled my youngest into homeschooling at age FOUR! How I had rushed getting him into schooling and wasted the last couple years to let him just be a kid with no responsibilities. There is lots more, but I'm not going to go there today. At that moment I was in jeopardy of repeating myself and having regret and guilt.
     So, what did I do? I listened and obeyed God. I was not about to continue to force my children out of my life with so little time left with them. (Even as I write this I am outside with them as they use every food container I have to make terrariums for... baby lizards, female lizards, a giant male lizard, a grasshopper, tons of frogs and a cricket!) Immediately I felt His peace come back over me after praying for confirmation. 

     Pay close attention to the second part of this verse. "...but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. If we as mothers are off doing our own thing, even Godly things and not discipling our children we are at risk of not being trustworthy with what God has gifted us with. This is in no way to shame any mothers. I just want to open your eyes to what it means to live a God first life as we raise our children. By doing life WITH them we are in turn putting God first by being good stewards with what He has entrusted us with.
     So that leave us with the question, well what about these other things we want to do, even Godly things? Wait. I can not stress this enough, WAIT. Because here is the thing. When our children decide THEY no longer need to do life with us daily we will mourn. Or at least I know I will. Just as I mourn over the absence of small pitter patters of unsure feet and words that barely qualify as words, I will mourn when they no longer have the need to do life with me. Gone will be the days of evening walks together, drives to the ball field together, making dinners together, reading books snuggled up on a couch together, schooling together, family fun nights together and so much more. I will be in mourning. It will be a bittersweet accomplishment to loose my arrows out into the world. I will be happy but it will be quiet. In their daily absence I will need the fellowship and studies of God's word to help me keep going. The day will come, I just need to be patient. I just don't want to push God's timeline and look back on that day and think, "Why did I rush them out of my daily life?". 

     So ponder this mothers. Times are changing. The bond between a parent and child is breaking. Did you know the website r/regretfulparentsReddit · r/regretfulparents139K+ followers? This site allows you to "hate" on your child(ren), it is very hard to read some of the things said. God made us to disciple our children so when they are older they can do the same. Somewhere along the way we have lost this message. Could it be we have too many voices telling us how to parent and how to put God first that the noise has made us over stimulated and deaf to the Truth? I think so. 
     If you have anytime in your busy schedules and enjoy to read or listen to an audiobook I can not recommend the book Until the Streetlights Come On: How a Return to Play ...Amazon.comhttps://www.amazon.com › Until-Streetlights-Come-Bri... This book, using data collected over the years, will help you regain the simplicity of living life with your children. I can not recommend it enough. It gave me back God's perspective of how simple life should be in putting God first while we raise our children. The day will come when precept studies and disciple groups and fellowship are ready to be had, but I urge you to wait. Wait until God's timing comes. All in good time, it will come.

     This has been quite the month for revelations. Many things have happened to strengthen my faith as well as call out my short comings in that very same faith. As mothers, we are bombarded with information. How to raise our children, how to have a happy home, how to keep ourselves joyful, and the list goes on and on. And if that isn't enough we are then pummeled with the "you need to" lists. You need to make time for you. You need to be more involved with your children. You need to be more engaging with your husband, and again, the list goes on and on. I could go on with the lists of "you're not good enough if" and the "this is what you need" lists. Like I said, bombarded with information that conflicts and contradicts. 
     But what if it is so simple, such a straight path, that we simply are missing it because of all the twist and turns all the "people" have us going down? I have to think so. This month Lance and I had the wonderful (yet, as it would turn out, extremely difficult) chance to share our marriage testimony with a church down south. To be honest, for almost a year I have struggled with trusting the LORD, I have struggled in my walk with the validity of our prayers. It was a really hard season. But our God is faithful. In sharing my side of the testimony I was forced to recap step by step where we were and where we are. For whatever the reason, looking at it from a point A to point B I hadn't seen it. But when I was asked to dissect each step and relive it, that is when I saw the true faithfulness of Jesus. So often we don't dare look back to see where we came from, and even lesser do we look back at details. Why? Well it hurts of course. But is there a bigger reason for sharing our story, could it be used to keep others from stepping on the same landmines we did? And if so, how?

     So what is it that so many of us are missing and how do our testimonies fit in? I believe it is a true understanding of why we are here. Why are you here momma, on this earth? Are you able to answer that? And if you have the answer, do you understand that answer and what it means? Jesus was very clear in His Word. Go, therefore, and make disciples of ALL nations. So what is a disciple really? Well, if you live a Christ first life, you are an example of what it means to be a disciple. Did you know the word Christian was originally a negative title? Yep, that's right. In the early church age those who hated Jesus called His followers "Christians" which translated to "Little Christs". 
     In this modern, progressive, western culture, the title Christian has become little more than a hollow title. There are people all over talking the talk and not walking the walk Jesus commanded us to walk. However, if you truly know who Christ is and strive to be like Him then your hollow title of Christian morphs into disciple (or as you will sometimes hear me refer as True Believers). 
     So what is a disciple? Simply put... a copy cat. I once was teaching a school lesson and remember teaching my kids that if someone copied them to not get angry, that it is a high form of flattery. So, to be a disciple of Jesus means we do everything we can to copy Him, not just in words, but in actions as well. 
     Okay, okay, now you are wanting to know why I am bringing this up. The reason is simple, if you are a disciple of Christ then you have been commanded to GO AND MAKE more disciples. So often, myself included, this command is not obeyed. We don't just neglect the command in our outer relationships with people, but with our friends, with our extended family, with our own children. Why is this? Well there is a great book that can tell you that answer (Growing Up: How to Be a Disciple Who Makes Disciples by Robby Gallaty) but the short answer? People are not being taught how. So many are under the impression that in order to be a disciple one must have a degree, have a WOW testimony, have experiences, etc. LIES!!!! All lies momma. You, right now, right where you are need to be a disciple and are qualified to the task. Want proof? The Bible states that God qualifies the called, he doesn't call the qualified (2 Cor. 3:5).
     Jesus didn't say "And when you have a four year degree and have traveled the world, then you can be a disciple of mine." Nope, there was only one prerequisite, walk like He walked. Our ripple effect as mothers is HUGE!!! We are called to disciple the very next generation that is growing up. We are called to disciple the believers that are younger than we are in the faith. We are called to be so much more than the mom who drives all the kids to soccer, the mom that has the coolest birthday parties, the mom that shows up to all the PTA meetings. All those things are amazing, but without the discipling of our children it will mean NOTHING. 

     We can not expect to raise children that live a Christ first life if we are not living a Christ first life ourselves. It's not that it is 100% guaranteed that they won't make it Home. It is simply 100% guaranteed that you will stand before God and have to answer Him when He asks you why it wasn't you that did the discipling.
     I will never forget this year when my daughter and I were grocery shopping at Walmart. We were in the produce department and she told me, "I'll be right back momma, I have to do something." She walked over to where a worker was stocking shelves. I don't know what she told him, it wasn't my heart that was pressed. All I know is God told her to go and tell that worker something special and she obeyed (She did tell me that part). She has done this a handful of times in the last couple years. I would like to think that I had something to do with it, but to be honest I don't know. Like I said, it was this month that I had these revelations of what it means to train up a child. But, perhaps she saw me obey at one time and is copying me who was copying Jesus. 
     All I know is we have a command mommas and we are running out of time. We are told to make new little disciples that will then go and make their own. It's a never ending, never stopping endeavor. If all believers would obey this command the entire world would be reached so much faster then simply relying on a church Sunday for one hour. 
     So today choose who God wants you to invest in (your children are top priority if they are still living with you under your stewardship). Start ministering to them by letting them watch you be the hands and feet of the Spirit. Then begin allowing them to assist you (there is a reason trade schools are so great). Afterwards allow them to lead in the ministering to others while you are there in case they need assistance. Finally sit back and observe them take flight like an arrow being loosed towards a target. 
     We are missing the purpose of why we are here. We are allowing the busyness of good things to over shadow what should be the best thing. When we are faithful to obey, God is faithful in His promises to us. So today I am asking you to keep it simple. Walk the straight and narrow of making disciples of your children and others God leads into your life. Share your testimony when pressed by Him to help others overcome what you did. Set the example in not only words but actions as well. He will then be faithful to remove all the noise of information chatter overload. In turn your life, home, children and husband will live in Shalom. The peace that only Christ can give. God bless until next month. 

     It used to be so fun. I used to have so much joy. I would be eager to awake to the sounds of laughter coming from their beds. But things have changed. Life has worn me thin. I can feel the inevitable outcome ... I am failing. There used to be so much hope, there used to be so much patience. But now I find myself falling before the days even begin. I look to You for help, for strength, yet none is coming at the pace I want. I yell and scream because I'm empty of everything else. I know I am not perfect and that should be okay. But how do you explain that to little ones who think you should be? This is so hard!
​     I am up against a wall. No answers have been given. Even now I feel that I am just rambling. My energy has turned to a breeze, it takes on whatever emotion I happen to blow towards. I hate it! I hear you tell me to be patient, this is the process in which I must go through. My heart yells in protest to the truth. This is so hard.
     So I wait. As patiently as I can. Each day, each hour, each minute is a new chance to try again. It will always be hard, but then again most things that are worth it are.

     I can't be sure when I wrote this, it's been years. But I am at a point in which God has moved me out of that season. Yes, you heard that right fellow mother. You will get through this time. I will not lie to you, it was hard. Having 3 children 3 and under was a lot like biting off more than I could chew. Yet, here I am today with three amazing and beautiful children. Thank you Lord that I didn't cause them too much damage in the beginning! After all there was the one time Briseis fell off the bed and landed on her head! Or the time or maybe it was times, I wasn't paying 100% attention to Rejko in the pool and he went under for just a second. But it felt like I was the worst mom ever even if it was for only a second. Yes, in those sleep deprived and exhausted days God saw me through to the other side. He gave me the strength to get up each morning and keep on trucking.
     Now, I don't know where you are with your journey of motherhood. Maybe you are just beginning and you can't remember the last full night of sleep you had. And that might not even be because the baby isn't sleeping it could be the millions of questions and concerns you have for them that keeps you up. Or perhaps you have toddlers that have figured out that there are boundaries and that they are tons of fun to push. So your normal routine days are now disturbed with toilets overflowing and food in places you never had to clean before. It could very well be that you are in the early school years. Whether you send them off to school or school them in your home the concerns are the same. What if they never read, what if they don't make friends, what if they always write that sloppy (I mean, is that even letters or just a funky doodle).
     Coming out of those hectic seasons and getting to taste the familiar aroma of routine and quiet is something I have prayed for for years now. As my children grew, the pace of life sped up to unprecedented speeds. I hated it! Yep, down right hated it! As the speed begins to slow because now my nights are no longer disturbed (well, there is that occasional nightmare still and I am right there for them), and boundaries are not pushed as often, and they can read, have friends, and can write; I find myself looking back. There is no denying the trials, sorrows and LOTS of grey hairs I acquired that I don't wish to repeat. However, there is heartache looking back at old photos and missing those baby cheeks that have since been replaced with sharp cheek bones. Funky little words and phrases that weren't quite annunciated right that are now articulated so clearly. Snuggles that have been replaced with "good night" instead. And the hardest one for me, going from mommy to simply mom no matter how hard I try to cling to it.
     So mother beware of praying your way out of the season God has you in with your family. For all moments are precious. As I look ahead and begin walking, I will begin following in the footsteps of mothers with high schoolers, college students, married children. Some of you reading this are already there. If you could respond you would warn me to continue to just be present where I am at, to enjoy each moment no matter how painful. I would reply that I hear you and I will. Each season with our children will have its ups and its great downs. But from one mother to another I compel you to not pray it away but instead pray through it. 
     Take it all in. The good, the bad, the dirty. The cries in the night that worry you because they can't talk yet because it goes hand in hand with the intimacy of them laying on your chest. Or the accidents in the bathroom because they struggle to understand why water has to stay in the tub because it goes hand in had with cuddles as you read them a book. The fears that go with having to navigate a learning disability that seems like a unclimbable mountain because it go hand in hand with one on one time to let them know how special they are to you. It's all worth it, every second is worth it. I promise you, IT IS HARD, but it is all PRICELESS.

     It has been several years at this point. The season of life that had me so busy I could no longer blog and be a good mom is over (I hope :\). Since that time I have been in a state of total writer's block. No excerpts, no books, no poems, no vision what so ever. I had become discouraged and stale longing for new inspiration to hit me!
     Finally, I actually went to God and asked Him why no more inspiration? Was I too prideful in what I had already posted? Was I simply all used up and put on God's shelf? Had He just wanted me to post what was already posted and that was it? Discouragement at times would even morph into anger and confusion. Once I finished my last pity party I was quiet enough to hear Him. 
     And then it was like BOOM!!!!

     The answer was right in front of me, with my OWN SELFISH ACTIONS! Yikes!!!! I had gotten it into my head that the other excerpts (and they are many, many, many) that God had given me were not as good as what lay in my future ones. I had the notion that what God would reveal to me next would certainly be better than ones I had already written. You know, because I totally knew what my followers needed to be reading more than God. Oh and those other people who would just happen upon my blogs by chance? Well, I guess I allowed myself to become unaligned to God's will and they weren't even on my radar. I became so focused on my blogs not spreading on my timeline that I debated letting the site shut down. But the Holy Spirit would never let me hit that "cancel subscription" button. Why?
     It was simple. God had given me inspiration to help mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, women. The inspiration of each except was to help a fellow sister that I would never meet most likely this side of heaven. But I became self centered, simply because I thought some of these other works weren't as good as ones that had been published. Wow! I am ashamed of myself.
     So it boiled down to, I showed God that I could not be trusted with the little He had given me and therefore, I could not be trusted with more. In realizing this I had to eat a nice, cold slice of humble pie.

     The best way to be humble is to admit when you are wrong, "Father, forgive me for taking a gift you gave me and not utilizing it because I was being selfish and wanted more". Next is to repent, that is to turn in the opposite direction. That is my plan from here on out. This mommy blogger is back, no matter how big or small, no matter if I have thousands of followers or just you. You, worn out mother, reading this post as you are trying to cling to every lifeline you can find, trusting God to give you the strength you need. Maybe I have posted something that has you coming back. Maybe your comfort from God will be published in one of my upcoming excepts. 
     God could not bless my writing because I didn't complete what He had already given me. I was asking for desert before finishing my dinner. As a mother I see this in my life in too many areas. Yep, that's right, I don't have it all together. Not by a long shot! But my prayer is that He will continue to use me to be a blessing to you, and in turn I may be found trustworthy in His eyes. To conclude and to open this relaunch with proof of a mom just like you, I will share my first "Forgotten Except" today with you. Enjoy and God bless.

     In the beginning there is lots of room. It feels open and you feel free, it's dark, but the dark is comforting. You move around in your little world with ease. As the time passes you don't really notice that the walls are closing in around you. The freedom that was there at the beginning doesn't seem as grand as it once did, but that's normal you assume. More time passes and there is no doubt that you are being restricted, choked out. You begin to seek a way out of your little world but it seems impossible. You can feel the end approaching as you twist and turn in your world, which you consider a prison now. The world you knew starts to break down and rot as you continue to push and stretch longing to be free of it. Suddenly there is a bright light in a crack of your world. This light gives you hope that there is something more beyond your world. The ugliness of your world is crippling, the stench is repulsive, the wrongness of it all is now lit up fully for you to see. Though you feel like you can't go on a second longer something inside you tells you to keep pressing on. As you feel you can't draw one more breath, your broken world crumbles around you. Before you stands a world you never could have imagined. This world is full of light and space as far as you can see, a space you will never outgrow. It is beautiful and not rotten, whole and not broken. You feel as if you have a whole new life before you... and you do. The last thing that confirms you are where you were always meant to be is a never ending figure in the distance calling to you with rolling arms beckoning you to come into its embrace. A figure that you know in your heart will be there to protect you forever. 

     My daughter, bless her heart, she can really ask some difficult questions. Questions that make this mommy really have to chose her words wisely. Today she asked a toughie. Her question, "Mommy, why do our bodies have to get old and die? I don't want to die. Why did Adam and Eve have to eat from the forbidden fruit? If they hadn't our bodies wouldn't get old and we wouldn't ever die." Wow!!! We've all been there, haven't we mommies? When we have to look up at heaven and say, "How do I answer something like that when I still question it myself?". But we serve a God that wants us to know these reasons, He doesn't want us to be afraid to go to heaven, He wants us to anticipate it with great excitement. So, what does any good mother do when caught between a rock and hard spot, whether it be a question or even life in general? We pray and we wait to be answered. 
     Luckily, the Spirit didn't see a reason to stretch my patience on this one. LOL. A friend recently told me that she read somewhere, "We are not earthly beings with a spirit inside, but spiritual beings with a earthly body".  This quote speaks volumes, but how to phrase it so an eight year old would not only understand, but be comforted? By using an analogy to something she could relate to. So, we began to discuss in detail what our earthly bodies are really like.   

     I began by asking her a simple question back to her. What is more important to God, a baby turtle in its egg or the egg itself? She responded as most would, "The baby turtle in the egg." I explained to her that our bodies on earth are like the egg and our souls are like the baby turtle. When the egg is first laid it is firm and strong but as weeks go by it starts to soften and wrinkle; all the while the baby turtle becomes more and more aware of it's shrinking home. Before long it is fighting with all its will to break out of its home. Something is calling it, a force so powerful the baby sea turtle will risk death just to get to what is calling it. Finally the baby turtle breaks free and gives its last burst of strength to getting to the one that calls it... the sea. I could see the wheels turning in my daughter's mind, so I continued. I explained to her that our bodies are the egg and over time our soul begins to outgrow it, just as the turtle did. Our souls hear a Voice calling us that is so inviting that we begin fighting with all our soul to break free of the prison of our body. Our bodies are a temporary home for our souls.
     But my daughter loves to go deeper. She then asks one of the toughest questions in the world. "Why do children have to die then?". In June my best friend lost her two year old daughter in an accident. My daughter was as devastated as I was. All she could think about was her friend running up to her and her helping her to do things. So again, I prayed for a wise answer for her. I asked if she remembered when her Gam would help the baby sea turtles reach the ocean. We had gone with her a handful of times. They would uncover the nest to see if any were left. In the early season every now and then a single shell or two would have hatched before the others. I explained to her that some souls are very strong and God knows that. Some souls are so strong they don't have to wait for their bodies to grow old before they are able to break free and go to heaven. 
     As a mother I don't wish this on any parent ever. But my friend who lost her daughter is even wiser then I am. She told me that she knows her daughter is in heaven and it will only be a split second to her before they are all reunited. She explained to me that as much as it hurts to be separated from her, she wont ask God to bring her back because the place she is in now is so much better. I can not fathom how my friend can not only be so strong during this time but also so wise. She knows her "little turtle" was stronger than most. These are hard truths to try to even grasp as a mother. And if you are a mother that has lost your little one as well, my heart aches for you. It is not the loss of your child but the pain that you are feeling that brings me to my knees in prayers for you. 
​

  Now onto the encouraging point of this post. If God is loving then why is He allowing this to happen? Well that answer, I believe, comes down to upholding Zion's cause. God has a plan, we know this from Revelation, but to get to Revelation we have to still be here! Below is how He is making sure the world makes it to the second coming of Christ.

  Up until this virus began to sweep across the world, mankind had lost all value of human life. Not only were the unborn being slaughtered and is to this day the largest genocide in human history, but the lines were already beginning to stretch. The elderly and mentally struggling were next on the list to "humanely euthanizing" (sometimes, not even humanely). There were reports starting to spread about the sick and elderly being starved to death.
https://www.pri.org/stories/2019-03-04/abortions-rise-worldwide-when-us-cuts-funding-women-s-health-clinics-study-finds 
https://www.dailywire.com/news/netherlands-elderly-woman-forcibly-euthanized-paul-bois 
https://www.conservativereview.com/news/murder-disguise-disabled-frenchman-dies-9-days-court-ordered-forced-starvation/ 
As mothers the value of life is our primal weapon. We would do anything to protect our children, even die for them. But as years have seen, the opposite has been reality. I was one of them, with my daughter Adara May, for the full story see https://www.halfwaytosundaymom.com/blog/losing-control and https://www.halfwaytosundaymom.com/blog/raising-lazarus-healing-after-abortion . God is desperate for us to value each life as He does. I believe after this epidemic the value of human life will have restored significantly. After losing so many, unexpectedly, we will once again cherish the ones who are here and yet to come. As mothers this should be so encouraging as we raise the next generations of youth.

  This is so very exciting! The world is already seeing results of the environment resetting itself. Reports are coming in, with the waterways being used less, gas emissions way down and cars off the road, people outside walking and not inside, buildings and housing production ceasing, etc. The earth is healing. It wont be perfect, we know from the Bible that wont happen until the second appearing. But some of what we lost from exploitation will come back. 
https://www.classicfm.com/music-news/coronavirus/venice-canals-clear-dolphins-swim-italy-lockdown/ https://www.foxnews.com/science/ozone-layer-healing-growing-evidence-montreal-protocol.
https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-51944780
This has the potential for being worldwide changing! A second chance to do things a little better then before. And who knows, if this virus does linger for a year, what other environmental positives will happen?! As mothers this will be a lesson worth teaching our children about how to take care of the temporary home God has given us charge over. Being good stewards and trustworthy with what we have.

  There are other outlooks that you wont find in a news article, but as Christians we can have hope and faith in seeing as these days continue. Families will have grown closer together. Certainly, if you allow the devil in your home, you could very well end up feeling like crap. But if you seek Shalom as a FAMILY, praying together, worshiping together, reading the word together, I PROMISE you; your relationships will deepen and strengthen.
  While we are on the subject of relationships, I believe forgiveness will be on an all time high. Not knowing if someone you are not talking to could contract the disease or even has, will bring walls down. Forgiveness will be the sweet water over pouring into the world. This killer will unite the world on all fronts. I believe enemies will be shown love and forgiveness, just as Jesus commanded. Estranged relationships will be restored.
  People will now have a new value of appreciation for what the have. Greed and gluttony will decrease, good stewardship will return. People will take care of what they have and "stuff" wont seems as important anymore.
  And if I dare say it, I believe, God will be restored in our schools again. Not as a pushing blow torch but as a gentle flame. The pledge which mentions His name restored, Bibles allowed back in schools without fear, love and grace taught above all else, speaking of God out loud and not in secret. A beautiful thought.
  Ultimately, I believe that this virus will call thousands to Him. They will come, seeking Shalom that only His Spirit can offer. People will want to know there is a reason for this hurt, not just some random chaos in the universe. For the glory of God is always the goal to seek in anything that happens. Good or bad, that is why He offers us His shalom; so that even in the dark He can carry us through it.
   

  This has been a long post, and I thank you mothers for sticking with me through the end. This is just the vision I am getting, going off of what I am seeing and what the Word says. But I do know for sure, during this time we must cling to Hebrews 12:11. Know that you will get through this, God will not let this last forever. Be comforted in knowing that as hard as this may seem, God appointed YOU mothers, right here and right now, for this exact test on earth. Know that there is still an end time for earth, and continue to pray and seek Him afterwards when things turn good. When the world is on the mountain top again, continue to pray and seek His knowledge.  And when this is over, this test will become your testimony. This mess will become THE message for those to come. This is God's world, He was, is and always will be the one in control; even when we try to tell Him otherwise, He is still the pot maker and we are forever still the clay.

     Hello dear mother,
     It has been awhile. But with the world seemingly coming apart at the seems and tensions on high I felt compelled to write to you today, with a simple message. Dear mother, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. As a homeschooling mom some of you may be thinking that life for us hasn't changed all that much. And it would be a lie to some to say that wasn't true. However, we have had changes to our daily lives, and if I am struggling then I can only imagine how much harder this must be for some of you. If your child attended public school you are struggling to teach your children and entertain them, and heaven forbid if you are having to work from home too! If you are a teacher and mother you are still having to teach your students all the while teaching you own. Maybe you are in the medical field and you aren't allowed to stay home but you have children who you are struggling to find sitters for, even grandparents are hard to find with the virus attacking them with a vengeance. If you are a homeschool mom, the normal teach on the go is being attacked and your activities have been limited. To all of you, you are not alone.
     Long gone are the days where we felt like there were not enough hours to get everything done, now the days seem to drag on. Screen time seems for a time to be a huge time filler. But before long even our kids (and lets face it, even us) are bored with it. As a mom struggling myself I have never before sat there and counted the HOURS before my kids went to bed. Just being honest here. And the fighting between siblings and the complaining to you and the agitated state of your home is on an all time high. Sure you can go on pinterest and look up fun crafts but after a while that can really start to get expensive having to buy supplies after supplies (if you can find it). Heck even now I am feeling the anger well inside of me as my youngest throws disrespect my way because I wont let him do something. I am struggling just like you mom. There are moments when I just want to scream and get away and I can't because I am trapped by this virus. Another example, we have bedrooms for each kid, a open concept home, and where are my kids as I write for the first time since December? In the school room with me! Tears are trying to well up and the overwhelming sensation in my senses screaming, "I can't do this! I wont survive this! Get me out of here! I am not strong enough to coup! I hate this new norm!"

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     I have no pictures to even insert on this blog because my computer crashed months ago and wont allow pictures to be unloaded. LOL. Humility at its finest. But in the mist of all of this strive there is always a light if we choose to seek it out. It may be very dim right now, but it still remains. I don't know God's reasoning for this. To purge our environment of impurities for a time? I mean there are less people on the roads, beaches are closed, national parks are closed, etc. Might it be so parents have to learn how to teach their children how to coup in times of hardship by setting the examples themselves? With schools out and kids home there is no where to hide how we are handling the situation. I know my children have seen the tears start flowing in a normal conversation on the phone, all because I realized that I wouldn't be seeing my parents for Easter. Crying because I wanted to be taken care of for just a few hours by my parents instead of being the constant care giver. Maybe it has something to do with the value of life and how the world has been making it clear to God that there is no value. By killing the unborn and starting on the elderly and handicapped. Maybe it is a combination of all things. I don't know God's will, but He ALWAYS has a reason to everything He does and this virus is no exception.
     So, mother, who is not alone, take every day at a time, every hour if you have to. Re-establish quiet times every day so you can have some peace and recharge. Send the kids to their collective rooms for an hour or two. Let them nap or play by themselves, I did this yesterday. Come up with a new normal routine. Make sure you have some time to be active (though of you're like me that is t he last thing you want) as a family. Take a nightly walk before the sun sets (keeping that social distancing). Try to do one craft a week, not every day, burn out is real. Play cards (UNO, Go Fish, Old Maid, Crazy 8s, etc) are all great for kids of most young and older ages. Play hide and seek in your home and start a tally board to keep track of who is winning. At the end of this virus see who is the champion. Face Time, Face Time, Face Time, at least one person every day; it will help you and them. Start planning and gathering ideas for a "Coronavirus is gone!" party, to give you something to look forward to. And keep praying and fasting, this will not last forever, but until it has passed we must continue to seek joy every day.

  How was I, a naive, first time time mom, to know that I was lying to my sweet little Peanut? Once her brother came there were late nights up feeding. During the day there was her brother that needed most of my attention. Little did I know three months later I would have to tell my sweet and patient girl that I again could not crawl under her bed anymore because I was pregnant again. Little did I know I had lost precious time that could never be retrieved. Oh the heartache it brings a mother, knowing time has been lost, promises broken, hurts made; and the only thing you can do is press on, try to do better from here on out, not dwell on the lost time. 
  I remember by daughter Briseis, we were at the doctor's appointment having my ultrasound done to look at her soon to be second brother. I laughed when she broke down, I even took a picture, but deep in my heart I was breaking with her. I knew then all the promises I had made her about how things would "go back" to being like they were between her and I, once her brother came. I knew I had broken her trust. She was 2 years old when she thought I would hold true to my promises. She was 2 and a half when I lost her trust by telling her another sibling was on the way. 
  What hurts me the most is I had never wanted a girl. I had wanted boys and that was it. I felt I was an annoying daughter to my mom and I certainly didn't want to raise an annoying daughter. A daughter that would make silly animal sounds when she used her imagination, a daughter who would not be a perfect little princess. Briseis was sent to me by God as my first for a very good reason. He knew all along my daughter would change my world, that she would change my heart; that she would make me a fighter as a mom should be. He knew I would need her as much as she needed me. The feeling I got when the doctor placed her on my stomach was never repeated with her brothers. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys, but I had known I had wanted them. My feeling with Briseis were like when the Grinch's heart grew and bust the seams of the screen. 
  The regret of lost time with just her and I has been weighing heavy on me lately. Mother, if you are a first time mom and are pregnant again, cherish the time with it just being your first and you. Push through the morning sickness, push through the heartburn, push through the fatigue. I promise you, you don't want the regret of losing this last chance to be with just your little one. It is too late for Briseis and I, and it kills me when her brothers are mean or she feels I am paying too much attention to them. She will say she is fine now, lying to hide her true feelings. And if I am not paying attention I will go on with my day, but if I am paying attention to her facial expression or mood she will open up that she misses our time together. I know she will soon forget being an only child, but for now it causing a flood of regret. I wish I had gotten up off that couch for the nine months it took to make her brother and did everything I could. I wish I had known what I would be losing. We have a great relationship and it is growing really well, but it is different now. I wish I could go back to relive it once last time, just once last time of it being just her and I. I wasted so much time!

  After Leonidas was born I said to myself, "I'll be the same mom to him that I am to Briseis". Oh my sweet boy, another lie. Once again, I had little idea that he would not even have turned one before his brother came. Not only that, but that three weeks later we would move into their grandparents house while we waited for our home to sell. The decision was best, driving home to two dead bodies in the shop down the road from you would make any mother want out of there. It was so hard for my little guy, not even one yet, the baby of the family, and boom! Just like that he isn't the baby anymore, he can't even comprehend why. I will never forget sitting at my in-laws house feeding my youngest and Leonidas comes up, not even walking yet, with out stretched arms, and wants me to hold him... and I couldn't because his little brother was feeding. Rejko was a surprise, so it caught us all of guard and we all loved him a ton. But there is hurt non the less, hurt of forcing my not even one year old to grow up a little faster. Little did I know in just a month or so he would scare all of us with a mass on his head. I remember pleading with God to spare him cancer. Our God works in mysterious ways. God was trying to get someone's attention through Leonidas, it was my husband. Their relationship had been rough from the get go because of GERD and Leonidas constantly cried as a baby. This mass made us realize it was because his head had been hurting and that brought them very close. God preformed a miracle in my son, it was not cancer, it was a mutated vein that was suppose to have an injection put into it to kill it. But miraculously, it went away on its own, the vein is still there but the best the doctors can come up with is it's in a dormant state. 
  See during this time at the in-laws, there wasn't a lot to do and my kids were being so good. Yet once again, I would have two little people walk up to me and ask me to play. I still had not learned my lesson from Briseis. Now I was on to social media creating Halfway To Sunday. I was so engrossed in the abortion information that was coming out I wanted to fight back and unite mothers. Once I got it going I would be there for my kids. But days turned into years and I never made good on my intentions. Living at my in-laws I had to take care of two rooms and a bathroom. I had plenty of time to make good on past promises. But once again I let time slip away. Even now Leonidas will ask if mommy can sleep with him and I find myself not wanting to because then I can't get on my phone before bed. So I again make up an excuse saying, "Not tonight, maybe in a few nights I will.". Don't be blinded or numb to when your children are needing you for security or simply they just want to be with you. Don't step on the land mind of what you want when what you need is right where you are, holding your child.

  Little did I know, that my addiction to social media would steal my time away from all my children. So many hours I missed watching them play. So many days I missed joining in on their play. So many times I just missed what mattered most. Rejko has probably had it the easiest being the youngest. He hasn't had the pleasure of watching a mom go from being patient, kind, slow to anger, loving and caring (like Briseis had); to easier to upset, easier to become frustrated, reclusive (like Leonidas had); to short tempered, overwhelmed, agitated. That is the mom Rejko gets. 
  Now I know some of you will say "Give yourself grace mom" and run off the list of what I am doing. I do give myself grace and a lot of it. But I am also not content with the mother I am right now. I love my children and I try to show it so they always know. I am a good mom and I do a lot for my children. I am a strong mom and I make sure they see that. But I want to be a better mom, a mom more like I was when it was just Briseis and me. I yearn for that. I don't want another milestone to hit me out of the blue. Like when Rejko woke up one morning and he looked different. I realized it fast, he had lost his baby cheeks over night it seemed. In reality it wasn't over night, I'm sure it was a gradual thing, but to a disconnected mom it seemed over night. 

  Mommies, I am not willing to wait a second longer to spend my life present with my children. I am not willing to risk tomorrow not coming before I wake up to the blessings God gave me. Mommies, we have the MOST important CAREER in the world, being mothers. So because of this I am saying a farewell to social media, all of it. I want to be a present mom not a mom that can't read a book for bed because I need to write my blog. I want to be a mom that does crafts again not just for a holiday but just because. I want to do better for my children. I have spent so much time and energy chasing anything but motherhood. A business in marketing, a business in blogging, a business in writing, when all along God had the perfect business for me, motherhood. I am tired moms, tired of all the cares of the world being shouted out on social media. Tired of the hate and cruelness and anger and I can't get away from it until I shut off the social media outlets. I will continue to blog WHEN IT IS CONVENIENT FOR ME. That may mean few see what I have to say, it may mean this never becomes a monetary business; but you know what? I am now more then okay with that, I am excited to give this motherhood business 100% again. It has been far to long. So I can't tell you when I will post a new blog, may be a week, a month, a year... maybe never. I will leave that to God to put on my heart. But for now I am 100% committed to just mommy, because that is truly all I ever wanted, to just mommy...

  So from one mother, who has lost so much time, to you mommy; put the phone away, shut down the social media sites. Take back your greatest achievement and be present, fully present with your blessings. Relearn how to give every day the best and end each night with your children drifting off with fun memories of YOU and them. Be content mothers to just mommy, because it will only last a short while, and that my dear friends is certain.

  Good evening mommies!!! I am so excited because for the past two months I have not been able to upload any new pictures on my computer; which meant no new pictures for my blog post!!! But thanks to my awesome sister in law and a back door she knew about, I know can upload pictures again. Anyway, onto this week's blog post. This post weighed heavy on my last week. But without the picture to upload it would have been hard to explain in just written word. All good now though! So lets begin.
  As you may remember, in a previous blog I had posted my loss of faith completely. Recently finding it again (thank God, literally, thank God) I began digging deeper and deeper into the Christian faith. What I came up with has prepared me for when my children leave the house and has given me further wisdom for my path as well.
  In the above picture the cross represents our life. Birth until heaven, a straight but narrow line. This is a rough copy, fyi, I plan to make the final soon and will share it. Moving on. The path to heaven through Jesus as I said it straight and narrow, it is also dark. We constantly are walking in the unknown with the light of the Holy Spirit being our only means to see immediately in front of us. Along this path are numerous (I'm sure there are more then I drew) detours. These detours are bright and tempting but offer no warmth, promising a path better than the one we are on. It is a 100% guarantee that we will take at least one of these paths in our lifetime. The path will seem right at first but as it turns and twists it will begin to feel the opposite, cold and unfamiliar. Then we will hit a dead end, at that point we will see we were not the only one lead down this path. There will be numerous others at this dead end. At that point we have two choices. The first is to give up and stay at the dead end with no hope of returning to the living path. The second will be to fight through the crowds and make our way back to the path Jesus made for us. 
  But it doesn't stop there. No, we have the chance to bring people back with us (this could one day include our very own children)!!! We will beg and plead with the people at the dead end to follow us. Some will follow, most wont. They will choose to stay at the dead end, away from the true path, away from safety, away from the living, stuck in hell on earth. But we will get back on the right path, hopefully bringing others back with us. 

  Mothers we all have this path, we all have the same potential detours, we all want the same end... a life of eternity in heaven. We also don't want this for just us, or our family/friends, spouse... we want it for our children, so bad our hearts ache. As moms this can be a hard thing for us to be content with. Content you ask? Well yes, if we are not content with simply doing our best every day we will start taking a dead end path! The dead end path of fear, with the potential to leave us curled up in a ball at its end! We need to accept the fact that we can't keep our children in a bubble of safety while they are living with us. Think about that for a second, what will happen to them when they finally are on their own? If they are like me they will immediately hit the road for some of those dead end paths that are so tempting. 
  My sister in law and brother recently had dinner with us. During dinner they began to tell us about their 8 year old son and some of their newly developed concerns. They went on to tell us about some friends he has and the influences he is getting from them. Now, these kids aren't horrible kids, my sister in law said around them they are pretty darn good. But, there have definitely been some rub off of choice words, actions, etc. She expressed how concerned she was but also was confused as what to do. She didn't know if she should let them continue to play or sever the relationships. In the end we talked about it and I told her I was actually proud of her and my brother. They have decided to limited where playdates can happen and gone over why certain behavior will not be tolerated, but they are allowing them to be friends still. My nephew is learning a valuable lesson early in his life because of his parents. He is learning that there are paths that you can chose to go down that aren't always best and have consequences, but that he can also help others with these lessons he learns. 
  Let me give you an example. Lets take the "cussing" that my nephew did. My sister in law and brother talked to him about why that word can not be used and why it is hurtful and disrespectful. Okay, so two things could have happened.  One, they tell my nephew he can't be friends with these boys anymore and those boys go on to continue their behavior, possibly getting new hurts from the loss of a friend. Or second, my nephew remains their friend and when they cuss, he can simply and gently tells them why he doesn't do it, when they see him not playing along. They could then (if God works on their hearts) start back to a better path, a more respectful path, because they have someone they could start looking up too, that has wisdom beyond his years. A friend, that wants to be friends even when they make a mistake. 
  Our children are predestined to help so many people. We have no idea the spider web of influence they are destined to spin. Our job is to be content in knowing this. Our job is to be content in knowing they will make mistakes, and if they are in the home, we will be there to correct them in love; if they are out of the house, that we did our job well enough, they will find their way back on their own with new disciples following them. Our job is to be content in knowing that God knows the outcome, He knows our heart, He knows our desires, He knows our longing for our children to make it home to heaven...

  I have never been one to meal prep. I literally stunk at it for the better part of... my LIFE! Until now that is. I have found a secret that all mothers will not just appreciate but will LOVE. It all stated with a reoccurring grocery bill, a bill that was pushing $300 every week!!! Gulp and pass out. Now this blog with be a little different for each one reading it. It all depends on your size family, but the results will be the same. Meal prepping this way will not only save you BIG bucks but it will also save you stress, anxiety, worry, frustration and lets be honest; what mother doesn't need less of those things in her life.
  See, we are a growing family of five. Two ladies and three men. I say men because that is how my boys appetites will be here very shortly. Before we had kids I remember my husband and my budget was $50 a week. Ahhh! It was awesome, but then came the babies which weren't bad until they started eating solid food. From there it was a down hill spiral. But NOT ANYMORE!!! Below I am going to list the simple step you need to take to make your life easier and your bank account heavier.

Breakfast - same thing for the week
Lunch - same thing for the week
Dinner - same thing for the week
 CHANGE MEALS & ​REPEAT!!!

  Now let me go into detail on this meal plan. Every week I pick a breakfast meal for the kids. This week is frozen waffles, mandarin oranges and chocolate milk (I have actually started letting the kids choose on some weeks which I'll explain later). Lunch is mac-and-cheese, green beans and bananas. Last for dinner is chili (a tradition for Halloween). So every day from Sunday until Saturday the family eats the same thing (for the most part. The hubs and I would be ... not healthy if all we ate was the mac-and-cheese, more on that later as well) and then we start over with something new the following week.

  WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!! Yes, there will be an adjustment period. I remember Leonidas choosing to go to bed instead of eating the same thing he didn't like again. However, now that they know this is their option they have all started eating what is served to them.

  No problem momma. Simply use the same strategy on yourself. Lunch for my husband and I tend to be the hardest so I simply meal prep salads for us for the week. Salads are so diverse you can totally change them completely every week. Or, do something else that is better suited to your needs, just stick to the same routine.

1. Forget rotten food and wasted money: Before this routine I would TRY to meal plan each day and each meal. I was literally running a restaurant for my kids. By mid week I was so exhausted that I would forget about the meal planning and order take out and the food would be forgotten. Eventually the food would go bad and I would throw unopened this and unopened that away. 
2. Learning To Eat Leftovers: So my kids (and if I am being honest me too) hated left overs. They wanted something fresh and new every meal so left over meals would go bad and ... go into the trash. Now it is the norm for my kids and they eat it!!! I couldn't believe it, but it was true. By the end of the week left overs were gone, the fridge looked sparse, no wasted food!!!
3. Stress level dropped: Meal planning this way has drastically dropped my stress levels because I am only needing to plan for three meals (roughly, if I need something different it is 4). Grocery shopping is FAST! I use instacart which lowers my stress even less. Highly recommend the delivery or at least curb side pick up despite the slight up charge. Last is the stress relief of just popping dinner back in the oven to warm up or turning the crock pot back on, when that's done I am free to have down time or do whatever.
4. Budget Friendly (SERIOUSLY FRIENDLY): So remember I told you our average grocery bill was about $300 a week. With the new plan, and seeing the total in my cart BEFORE checking out (allows you to take off un-needed items if you are over budget) we have dropped our grocery bill down to $130-$150 a week. That is a HUGE difference. More money and less waste.

1. When your children have gotten settled into this routine and accept it, let them help. Let them pick out one meal for the week (within reason); let them help cook it (my kids actually like whatever is made more if THEY help make it).
2. Don't go overboard!!! So our week looks like this, Sunday is the fresh meal of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, (+\- Saturday depending on if grandparents invite us over) are the days we do the planned meal as a left over. Wednesday we are out late because of gymnastics so we eat out as a family. There is money for that (still try to eat at restaurants that offer deals for kids) now that our grocery bill is so much lower. Friday is our family fun night so we do whatever, eat out, fruity pebbles, frozen pizza, whatever (but don't make it another big dinner, something quick and fun!!!)
3. I told you about instcart and for our family it is the best fit, despite the small up charge (I just love not GOING to the store, less compulsive buying!!!); but for kicks and giggles I decided to give ALDI a try. You know, just to see. My total for the entire week of food was ... $60!!!!!!!!!!! If you can refrain from compulsive buying and stick to your list you WILL save more money going to the store yourself.

  I hope you enjoyed this fun, off my normal, blog post. I would love for you to try this and get back with me on how you liked it!! You  can do that by clicking any of the links below and leaving a comment. If you have a question about it feel free to ask and I'll get back to you. As mothers we shouldn't be so stressed over food and feeding everyone. It should be quick and easy so we can get back to what is really important. Living life with our families.