Second Or First

  Last night as I lay in my bed pondering what to write about and my thoughts racing, I started thinking about the house. I started thinking about the mess it was in. As the images of each room started to fill my head and make my anxiety rise I thought about what part of the mess was NOT my kids. I am not going to lie, part of it was mine. After picking up day in and day out of other peoples things I tend to get burned out and throw my hands up in the air and give up. But that is a small part. Then there is my husband. As I thought about his part in this mess I started thinking to myself about those particular messes.
  See I know that my kids are growing up and will one day be out the door and I wont be cleaning up after them anymore. But, then there is my awesome husband whose mess I will continue to pick up until one of us is 6' deep. (Insert the mom's laugh from that 70's Show here). I will be honest, I started thinking about those things I would not have to deal with anymore if he left first. I wouldn't have to worry about the white socks that I find in the strangest places; the "worn once but not dirty" clothes that lie next to the bed and just accumulate would be gone; the packed suitcase from a trip this is still on the floor months after his return would never haunt my feet at night again (because it never fails if I have to go to the bathroom I will always hit it with my foot!). The list could go on and on! Facial hair after I clean the bathroom, dirty garage (to be fair, the kids are an equal part in that mess), dishes in the sink despite the dishwasher being empty. Pondering these things in the middle of the night would make any wife want to role over and punch her sleeping husband's arm. 

  Then I remembered my husband was asleep in with one of our boys because he had had a rough day and wanted his daddy. At that point new thoughts started coming to my mind. A huge thought was the reason I was currently awake with a mind racing...

1. Sleeping Alone

  Now that I have been married for over 10 years I am so used to having him by my side. He is my comfort when I sleep (Because I am 36 and still afraid of the dark. Don't judge me. LOL). Not having him next to me at night leaves me with discomfort, it feels wrong not to have his strong body next to mine. And in the winter when I am freezing? Heck no! I love having him in bed with me. I have such a peace knowing he is right there if I need him. Without him I would probably die of sleep deprivation (there are no essential oils strong enough out there to change that). Ha!

2. Financial Responsibility

  We have been blessed over the year with his career that I was able to retire after our daughter was born. I currently am homeschooling our three children as well as running this household. The thought of having to take on a full time job to keep us afloat if he wasn't here is a daunting thought. Homeschooling would probably have to go and that would crush both the kids and me. As the STRESS of it all being on my shoulders? Yikes!!!! Thank goodness, my husband sacrifices 80% of his year (that includes 6 hours a night for sleeping to recover and do it again mind you) to providing for us. Even right now, when it is very hard for him to find the motivation to go to work because the possibility of an upcoming sale of the company. He still gets up and takes that full weight onto his shoulders. Without him I would have to make that same sacrifice and if you couldn't tell yet, I am kind of selfish in these areas and DON'T want to do that.

3. I Would Have To Kill...Scorpions

  Yep! That's right. If he wasn't here I would not only have to protect our home from thieves but also scorpions. Insert "barffing" emoji right here. I HATE HATE HATE scorpions, we have had 4 in the house this year and he has rescued me from all of them. Which also leads into the fact I would have to treat and spray the house for bugs! Lord knows I wouldn't make enough to hire someone to do it (Because that money is so much better used at Chick-fil-a to buy their new mac and cheese. Ha!). Without him the sole protection of our home would fall to me, whether it be human, natural disaster, or creepy crawlies. 

4. I'd Have No Best Friend

  Lance is my best friend in every way. He is my lover, he is my frustration, he is my comic relief (despite me almost killing that part of him when we were first dating), he is my annoyance, he is the one I do it all with, and the one I do non of it with. I would be alone without him. Yes, I would have my children and friends and family, but it would not be the same. My children would grow and move on with their lives, stopping by here and there. My family would do the same and friends can be in and out in a matter of weeks. Without him I would be lonely. 

  So why on a mommy blog page did a write about this? Well for starters, without my husband I wouldn't be a mommy. LOL. But also, because I realized (and deep down I already knew) that I love my life with my husband. He is a strong (yeah, I mean physically, sizzle), funny, handsome (yeah baby!), caring, loving, supportive, and helpful husband. Sure, he can drive me crazy sometimes, but so do my children, my family, my friends, heck even myself at times! 
  I remember a story a long time ago of a group of old ladies sitting on a porch having tea. One of the ladies is talking about her husband going inside her house tracking some dirt onto the floor from his boots. The other ladies scoff and gripe about how they would never let their husband get away with that. The owner sadly looks down at her tea and tells them how that used to be with her husband and how he had passed away and she would do anything to have him walk through her door again with dirt on his boots. 
  Remember how I told you I was a selfish person at times? Well here is the proof. I hope and pray that I die first. I don't want to live on this earth without my protector, comedic relief, financial provider, and best friend right there with me. To some of you, you may be scoffing and thinking that I don't know what I am missing. Or that I have no independence.  I would tell you, you are wrong. I worked at a prestigious veterinary oncology facility as their lead nurse before I retired. I owned my own home and car and paid all my own bills. I killed all my own home intruders (only bugs I promise). I had dogs that slept in my bed with me. But I was still lonely! So I am telling you, I don't EVER want to go back to that spot in my life. It was good while I had it but being with my husband is SOOOO much better. I love him and cherish him, even when I find a pair of his socks on the fireplace mantle (True story). He is my best friend and I don't want to do a single day of life without him. So God, I'll go first if you don't mind (unless you want to let us go together, perfectly fine with that too. Ha!)

  So mommies, I urge you to consider what I have said. You know what annoys you and drives you batty about your husband. But ask yourself what you would lose if he was gone?
​  Yes, he threw the first piece of cake at our wedding and I was totally fine with it because we still laugh about it. Like I said, he is my comic relief. And as long as we keep God at our center we can and WILL make this marriage last.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other one up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken ~